To conduct a professional conversation, it is important that you master a number of conversation techniques. Listening, active listening and asking questions are well-known conversation techniques. Paraphrasing and reflecting are less known, but at least as important .
Paraphrase
Paraphrasing is a way to show that you are listening carefully. This creates trust and encourages your conversation partner to say more. How do you do it? In other words, you repeat what your conversation partner said. Paraphrasing is mainly about the content of what has been said. You can paraphrase at a moment when the other person pauses, when it seems like he doesn’t know how to proceed, or when the story is unclear or confusing. You briefly repeat what you heard, so that the other person knows how his story came across. He can then assess whether he has said it correctly, whether it is correct, whether you have understood it correctly. It gives him the opportunity to add or improve something.
For example : a client has told a long and confusing story about his difficult teenage son with whom he often argues. You understand from his attitude and facial expression that he is having a difficult time with his situation, but from his words you cannot yet determine exactly why this is happening. You paraphrase: ,So your son is now 14 years old, he regularly gives you a big mouth and he always wants more than what he is allowed. Is that correct?, Your client now hears which part of his story has come across to you. By your question: Is that correct? he will have the opportunity to say more. So he says: Yes, exactly, that’s how it is, and besides, and he tells more . In this way you help your client to structure his story, and he can always check whether he has told the story completely enough.
To reflect
Reflecting is similar to paraphrasing, except now the emphasis is on the emotional value of what has been discussed. Based on what the client says, the counselor formulates the underlying feelings and thoughts that the client himself does not express. After all, it is the feelings that form the core of the story. By reflecting on the client’s feelings, he feels understood. Many people talk about facts, incidents and situations. These are important, but what the client feels about it is much more important . Because the value of the story is not in the facts, but in the emotion. Two people can tell an identical story, with one being completely upset, while the other is left cold. In a good reflection you name the feeling that you think plays a role in the client. To stay in the spirit of the example above:
,So your son is now 14 years old, he regularly gives you a big mouth and he always wants more than what he is allowed. This makes you feel powerless., The client now has the opportunity to supplement or improve: ,Yes, exactly. But not only that, it makes me that way,
Now we are talking about the client’s feelings, and that is exactly the purpose of the counseling conversation.
Stay alert
Reflection should never degenerate into expressing assumptions. As a care provider, you must pay close attention to the client’s body language and facial expressions so that you are reasonably sure that you are identifying the correct feeling. Always check with the client after you have identified the good feeling. So preferably present your reflection as a question, or in a sentence that starts with: If I understand you correctly, then
By regularly paraphrasing and reflecting you let your client know that you are listening. You are giving him the message that you understand both his story and his feelings. This is the basis for a helpful contact.