Most people don’t like to be told that they did something wrong or not good enough. It quickly feels like a personal attack, even though it may not have been intended that way. How can you be open to constructive criticism without experiencing it as an attack on your personality?
The usefulness of feedback
In my article Feedback or kitik? I have already explained some things about giving feedback. However, receiving feedback and responding well to it is just as difficult. Whether you experience a reaction to your actions as criticism or as feedback does not only depend on the person who brought the news. You also play a role in it, by the way you understand it. Getting feedback can be very helpful. If your actions do not have the desired result, it actually means that you are wasting time and effort. Without feedback you would continue to waste your energy. So try to view the feedback you receive as a tool.
Be open to feedback
By asking for feedback yourself, you keep control. You ask for it at a time when you feel strong and sincerely want to know how your act, action or attitude comes across to the other person. There is then a greater chance that you will be able to deal with it in a positive way. Moreover, the other person now knows that you would like to know whether you are on the right track. He will therefore be more inclined to package any comments positively and accompany them with a compliment. Compliments are also feedback. Because you receive a compliment you know that you have done something well, and that is motivating.
Own interpretation
Check with yourself whether you have already interpreted the other person’s behavior before you have asked for an explanation. For example: you went to the hairdresser and you chose a completely different hairstyle. You come home and your partner doesn’t say anything about it. What are you doing then? Do you think: See, it looks stupid, I look like a fool! This is your own interpretation. You draw conclusions from the other person’s behavior based on your own opinion and feelings. Perhaps the other person has their own reason for their reaction. Do you really want to know what the other person is thinking? Then ask about it.
Show your appreciation for the feedback
Listen carefully to what the other person says and check whether you have understood it correctly. If necessary, ask for clarification or a more specific explanation: Are you saying that the topic was poorly chosen , or did you find my presentation unclear? Don’t defend yourself, just absorb the reaction and think about it for a moment. Don’t view it as an attack on your person. Assess for yourself whether the feedback is relevant and useful. Is that right? Then thank the feedback provider for giving their opinion and use it to your advantage. Do you find it not relevant or useful? Then ignore the feedback. Perhaps the person who gave it is not part of your target group or may be judging your action on a point that you think is irrelevant. Show appreciation for the feedback provider, who has at least taken the trouble to tell you something about his opinion and how he experienced your action. By thanking him you show that you are open to the opinions of others. This makes it easier for the other person to approach you next time, or conversely to ask you for feedback.