Every parent has their own way of raising children. Some people find discipline and rules very important, while others find freedom paramount and the children are let loose as much as possible to discover and taste for themselves. There is no parenting style that stands out and has the best effect. However, there are parenting styles that are less beneficial and can have negative consequences. Here different styles of parenting will be discussed (authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful). Brief attention is also paid to the term ,temperament,.
Parenting style
The term parenting style describes the strategies that a parent, or parents, use when raising their child(ren). This is based on your own ideas, your own experiences and a parent’s opinion about what is the best way to raise children. One parent invests more time in their child than the other, depending on, for example, (free) time, personality and culture.
In psychology, Diana Baumrind has distinguished between four different parenting styles:
- Authoritative (authoritative)
- Authoritarian
- Permissive (accommodating)
- Neglectful
Overview of parenting styles
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Demanding/high expectations |
Low demands / low expectations |
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Accessible |
Authoritative |
Permissive |
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Inaccessible |
Authoritarian |
Neglectful |
Authoritative parenting style
In this parenting style, the parent is both demanding and responsive. The parent shows understanding and a certain respect for the child. Feelings are respected and help is provided in solving problems, without making the child dependent on this help. There is regular talking to express feelings and the parent is responsive and warm towards the child. Although the parent is demanding, this is less strong than with the authoritarian parent. The parent sets rules, but will also explain why this rule is so. The child is given more freedom and is allowed to make their own decisions more often. However, the child is not completely free as with the permissive parent; There are rules and guidelines that the child must adhere to. A certain maturity and independence is expected of the child, although these expectations grow with age (this is less expected of a younger child than of an older child).
When a child is punished, the punishment is fairly consistent, with bad behavior always being punished. Punishment will not occur with violence, but in a controlled manner. When punishing, it is also explained why the child deserves the punishment, so that lessons can be learned from it.
Authoritarian parenting style
The authoritarian parent is a parent who is strict. This parent sets strict rules and has high expectations and demands of the child. A common statement is ,I’m the boss, and ,because I said so,, with little explanation given as to why a rule is made other than ,because it is., Obedience is expected and the child is not expected to cross boundaries. In principle, there is little accessibility. Instead of leaving the child free to make choices, the choices are often presented. This may be to help steer the child in the right direction. Authoritarian behavior on the part of the parent does not necessarily have to be done with bad intentions, as is the case with no style, because sometimes children simply need this guidance, or the parent considers this normal.
When a child is punished, the parent can often become angry. Often no real reason is given for the punishment, or above all the response is curt.
Permissive parenting style
Agreeable parents are basically the opposite of authoritarian parents. Where the authoritarian parent is demanding and unresponsive, the compliant parent has low expectations and demands and is very responsive. This parent is also called the compliant or flexible parent. It is not that the parent is not interested in the child, on the contrary, but they believe in a free approach. This parent focuses very much on the child’s choices and needs and asks for little in the way of rules. This can lead to spoiled children who are used to going their own way and living untethered. Of course, this does not always have to be the case, but it does occur regularly. These children may also be more impulsive.
Children of these parents will not often be punished, because they are left very free in their actions. Because they encounter unpleasant situations themselves without being confronted by their parents, they learn to get through life without constantly relying on others.
There has been a relationship between drinking behavior (more common and more serious) and the permissive parenting style.
Neglectful parenting style
Where the permissive parent was still involved with the child, this is not the case with the neglectful parent, as the name actually indicates. The neglectful parent makes few demands and is not very responsive, in other words, barely cares about the child. Little attention is paid to the child and no boundaries are set. The child’s emotions, feelings and thoughts are basically ignored; often only the basic needs (food, drink, a roof over the head) are given, with love being placed in the second or third rank, or being completely absent. The child mainly has the feeling that he or she is not really important in the life of his or her parent.
The best parenting style?
In principle, there is no parenting style that is considered the best parenting style for every child. One child simply requires a firm, or more loose, approach, and one needs clear rules, while the other simply ends up well with few rules and does not yet take the wrong path. Yet it seems that the authoritative or authoritarian parenting style in particular shows the most positive results.
Children with authoritative parents appear to have more self-confidence and greater independence when they grow up. They also appear to be more successful academically and function better in social settings.
However, it turns out that the authoritarian style actually works well in certain cultures. In some Asian families this appears to lead to positive results, although expectations should never be too high and oppressive.
The worst parenting style?
Easier than identifying the most beneficial parenting style is identifying which parenting style has the most negative consequences. This applies to upbringing in which the child is neglected. Children with such parents basically grow up too quickly, have a greater risk of developing an addiction and often have social and psychological problems in later life. It also often results in problem behavior.
Parent versus child
As stated earlier, there is no perfect parenting style because it concerns the interaction between parent and child. A major role is played by the child’s temperament, which can be regarded as the precursor of personality. Temperament is basically a baby’s personality. A well-known distinction that is made here is:
- Easy: Quick adaptation to new experiences, positive, normal eating and sleeping patterns;
- Difficult (difficult): Difficult to adapt to new experiences, a lot of crying, a lot of irritation;
- Slow to warm up: Withdrawal from new experiences and only slow adaptation.
One baby needs a different approach than another baby. One child adapts easily, while the other child needs a firm hand and many rules. This is not the fault of the parents, because there can be a difference even within a family: every child has its own temperament. Once a strategy has been ,chosen,, people often get stuck in it.