Warmth and dominance largely determine the upbringing and personality development of children. Warmth relates to the horizontal (emotional) distance between parents and children and concerns the expressive function of upbringing. Concepts such as love, affection and security are part of this. On the one hand there is a warm upbringing in which there are good relationships between parents and children, on the other hand there is a cool upbringing in which parents do not care much about their parents. Dominance relates to the vertical (substantive) distance between parents and children and concerns the instrumental function of upbringing. Dominance concerns the regulating, structuring and normative aspect of education. This concerns the question of how and to what extent parents transfer their norms and habits to children. On the one hand there is dominant upbringing, in which parents assert dominance over children, on the other hand there is permissive upbringing, in which children are left very free.
Warm upbringing
There is good personal contact between parents and children. Parents accept the children as they are. The trust is mutual. The education is child-oriented, therefore adapted to the personality and capabilities of the children and tailored to their needs and intentions.
Children who enjoy a warm upbringing develop a basic sense of personal security (basic trust). They know that they belong somewhere. They feel securely attached. A warm upbringing lays the foundation for favorable personality development of children. Children identify with their parents. Due to the good relationships that exist, children will be able to accept and process mistakes and shortcomings of parents. Because the children are accepted by the parents as they are, the children develop the belief that they are an individual with their own identity and a stable personality. This feeling of self-confidence gives these children a positive self-image, an optimistic view of life and does not easily suffer from feelings of inferiority and guilt. They are confident and in control. They feel that they have a handle on the situation, that they are in control and will not be faced with any surprises. These children generally grow up to be independent individuals with social and mental independence. They have their own vision, are enterprising, can achieve what is necessary and do not easily give up. Warmly behaved children are spontaneous and fluent in their actions and know how to adapt well. They assume that they will be accepted and appreciated by others. Insecurity and disappointment occur to them especially when they are approached coldly, an attitude that they are not used to and with which they sometimes do not know what to do. We find a warm upbringing especially in harmonious families.
Cool education
In everything, it is the opposite of a warm upbringing. The attitude of the parents towards the children can be characterized as superficial or even indifferent. Communication is not optimal and there is certainly no confidential relationship. The parents pay little attention to the children, have little interest and are not prepared to take much account of the children. In extreme cases, the attitude of the parents themselves is dismissive and hostile.
Many of these parents are not very happy with their parental role, take little responsibility and shirk parental duties. There is a lot of punishment, and physical punishment is no exception. Punishments are used more often than rewards, with fear being used quite often as a means of education. A cool upbringing is mainly found in disharmonious families.
A cool upbringing has negative consequences for the personality development of children. Parenting problems are often found at a young age as well as other problems , such as problems with eating, bedwetting, etc. Later in life, they often show deviant behavior.
These children have a negative self-image, identity problems and low self-esteem. Low self-confidence makes them insecure and vulnerable in life. They think that life is largely determined by things beyond their control. They have fewer relationship skills. They grow up to be socially ill-adjusted people because they have difficulty making social contacts. Because parents were little interested in the children, the children did not learn to show interest in others.
The children must develop a certain independence, because they have to rely on themselves at an early age because the parents have little interest in them. But usually this independence is more apparent than reality; real independence is mainly found in children who have had a warm upbringing. The older the children get, the more they become aware that their parents do not give them enough love. This can make them feel unfairly treated, rejected and deprived.
Coldly behaved children sometimes have everything their heart desires, materially. Sometimes parents try to compensate for their lack of attention in this way. The consequence of a very cool upbringing is usually that children gradually become alienated from their parents and start to show avoidance and escape behavior. They pay little attention to their parents, turn away from them and sometimes even turn against the parents. This hinders imitation and identification and the adoption of norms and customs.
An extremely cool upbringing is very unfavorable for personality development. Children who are raised in an extremely cold manner often grow up to become introverted children whose emotional expression is blocked, unstable children who live under tension and are not always free from neurotic symptoms. They are often dissatisfied, distrustful of social contact and quickly feel threatened. They fear personal relationships because they fear they will fail.
Dominant education
Parents try to bond with their children both emotionally and socially. Children are required to adapt to their parents. Education is tailored to the parents (parent centered), the parenting style is largely influenced by the personality of the parents and their ideas and habits. Children are not expected to make many decisions and they are not taught to do so. The parents spend a lot of time with the children and are very attentive to the health, education and development of their children. The parents are often demanding. Children must do their best to achieve something, otherwise they will regret it later. A dominant upbringing has many regulations and rules. This is strictly enforced. There is a lot of parental supervision of the children.
Punishments play an important role in dominant upbringing. Parents demand obedience without contradiction from their children. When children resist, they are soon seen as stubborn or rude, or their behavior is blamed on whims or the wrong friends. In general, dominantly raised children have relatively little contact with peers, and they have little need for this, because they grew up in a closed environment and are less familiar with the norms and customs of youth subcultures.
A dominant upbringing is mainly found in closed families.
In terms of their personality development, dominantly raised children grow up to be people with a fixed vision of life, which they consistently adhere to . They adhere to general rules and regulations and adapt to prevailing norms and customs. They have little creativity and show little initiative. They find it difficult to empathize with the fact that there are people who have different ideas. Dominantly raised children are sensitive to the influence of dominant figures. Therefore, they can easily be overrun by others. They are also influenced by groups, they are inclined to join the majority.
When children become young people, some dominantly raised young people are convinced by the media and friends that they are being kept very short at home. They also believe that they have less independence than they can handle and are entitled to. As a result, these children may question the reasonableness of rules and prohibitions and, if no solution is found, become alienated from their parents.
In a very dominant upbringing, the parents want to have complete control over the children and to be fully informed of their children’s comings and goings. They impose their view of things on their children, without taking much into account the children’s individuality. As a result, the children grow up in great dependence on their parents. That can even take the form of domination.
A very dominant upbringing often results in a rigid way of life for children. The children adapt to the norms and habits of the parents and strictly adhere to their rules and regulations. Feelings of guilt and inferiority can arise because children always feel inadequate. When they adopt the high standards of their parents, they also fall short of themselves, which can lead to a negative self-image and delayed self-esteem, which can manifest itself in an identity crisis.
When dominantly raised children break with their environment, they often end up living in a kind of vacuum.
Permissive parenting
The parents give their children a lot of freedom and certainly don’t force anything on them. There is little supervision of the children. There is no coercion, and there is little or no reaction when children do something that their parents disapprove of. Few demands are placed on the children. There are few rules in the family. There is little punishment. Children who are raised in a permissive manner usually know how to be fairly independent and find their own way. They often have a poorly structured identity, which makes it difficult for them to bring clarity to their lives and they live in a kind of vacuum. This can make them self-centered, opportunistic, lazy and careless. The influence of people outside the family is usually great. The permissive upbringing is mainly found in loose families.
An extremely permissive upbringing is more likely to result in a lack of educational relationship between parents and children. Children who have had a permissive upbringing think that they can do whatever they want and pay little attention to parents and others. This makes them maladjusted children, who are difficult for themselves and others. These children are sometimes immature, superficial, inactive, impulsive, unreliable, antisocial and they sometimes have a low frustration tolerance.