Everyone knows the feeling of utter desperation after a heavy blow or trauma: despair. What exactly is despair and how do you get rid of the feeling?
Despair
There are several definitions of despair:
- intense feeling that you can no longer change a sad, dangerous, etc. situation. Synonym: despair
- Feeling that nothing good can happen anymore
- A miserable situation in which one no longer sees an outcome.
How does despair arise?
Despair is a state of mind that can suddenly appear out of the blue, as it were. Despair generally occurs after a mental (or physical) trauma. You can be confronted with your own despair from one moment to the next. Desperation almost jumps at you.
Despair is like a ten meter high wall that seems to paralyze and block all your thinking. You are not born with it and it is often a matter of a day at most. When despair lasts longer, it usually turns into depression with severe despair reactions.
What to do in despair?
- It is important to never resort to immediate negative actions in your desperation. Never call someone to put your house up for sale in your desperation or your lawyer to get a divorce.
- Despair is a very strong emotion and important decisions such as selling your house, changing your job, divorcing your partner, are decisions that you should make in peace. Despair is a very bad advisor in this.
- Know that you are entitled to an emotion like despair, but try to realize that such a strong emotion will pass quickly. It depends on you whether you can convert this emotion into resignation and/or positive action.
- Distraction is the best cure for despair. That is not that simple, seek help from a family member, friend or acquaintance who means well for you and who you know will listen to you. Allow this person to help you put the situation into perspective.
- As soon as you are able to get out of the despair, it is good to find distraction in something you always enjoy doing. Watching sports, exercising yourself, treating yourself to something you like to eat. Anything to get away from that intense emotion.
- Go away from the place where you have been despairing, do not lie at home or in your bed. It is not advisable to perform mechanical actions in your desperation, such as driving a car: it is better to take a walk in a neighboring park where there are people.
- Once you get past despair you enter a phase of resignation. Let this phase be accompanied by positive thinking or perhaps doing something positive. Realize that you don’t really need anything.
- Try to count your blessings. Someone once said: ‘You are poor if you walk through the desert wrapped in a burlap bag without water or shelter.’ It helps to realize how good you still have it.
- Keep negativity far away from you during your period of despair and afterwards. It can lead to nothing good.
Despair of others
There are a lot of people who have written about despair. Apart from the occasional act of desperation (acting negatively in desperation), desperation is often seen as a catalytic change in people’s mental and personal situation.
Below are some key quotes:
- “Despair is the price one pays for pursuing an unattainable goal.” Graham Greene English writer (1904–1991)
- “I always despair, but I never lose courage.” Edmond Jaloux French literary critic and writer (1878-1949)
- ,Radicalism is nothing but the despair of reason., Alphonse de Lamartine (1790-1869)
- “Life begins on the other side of despair.” Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980) Quote from: Les mouches
- “Do not hope without despair, and do not despair without hope .” Seneca Roman philosopher, statesman and playwright (5 BC – 65 AD)
- “Despair has often won battles.” Voltaire French writer and philosopher (1694-1778)