You probably know it!? Someone who cuts you off in traffic or your boss who nags that you really have to be on time or all those other setbacks when everything goes wrong again. It’s just nice to start cursing and take it out on other people. Then you often feel a lot better by blaming someone else. Not everyone does this in the same way.
Ways of reacting:
You can take it out by being aggressive. For example, you immediately react aggressively when you become irritated or frustrated. Someone makes a critical comment to you and you immediately start cursing. You can also shift your aggression. Then you first swallow your aggression for a while, but when you get home or are with friends you start arguing. You take out your bad feeling on someone who actually has nothing to do with it. You can also save up your aggression and then suddenly explode over something small because you have saved up all your aggression. Then it comes out worse than if you just reacted immediately. You can also take it out by ‘forgetting’ your bad feeling and ‘pushing it away. Then you do things that make you feel good, you go out with friends, eat unhealthy food, buy (too) much or just play games.
Do you suffer from it yourself?
Usually it doesn’t bother you and it often relieves you. It’s just better not to take it out at work if you want to keep your job. A boss is okay with you standing up for yourself in a normal way. If you want a pleasant working environment, with a nice boss and nice colleagues, then you have to do your best yourself. It is very useful if you can discuss your own frustrations and irritations in a calm manner.
Do others suffer from it?
Taking it out costs society a lot of money and annoyance. But not only that. Perhaps even more important is the atmosphere on the street. If people react aggressively to each other because of a small thing, the atmosphere on the street will not improve. Aggression on the street, swearing, the middle finger, threats and real violence creates a feeling of insecurity and mistrust. People no longer dare to go out into the street at night. Or are afraid to say something for fear of the reaction.
Tricks
Counting to 10:
If you feel like you want to react aggressively to someone, count slowly to 10. If necessary, write something nice behind each number. For example, a day at the beach. Then count: 1 day at the beach, 2 days at the beach, 3 days at the beach, and so on.
Relax:
When you are aggressive, your muscles are usually tense. Try to consciously relax them. You do this by first tightening them and then releasing them.
Think of something nice:
Imagine something nice in your mind. Try to imagine it as vividly as possible. What exactly do you see in your mind? What does it smell like? What do you hear and what do you feel?
Think of something crazy:
Try to make something weird out of the person you’re so worried about. If you are angry with your colleague, imagine that he is wearing very strange clothes, or has a trunk, or is hanging upside down from the ceiling, or is standing naked in front of you. If you do that right, you won’t be able to stay so angry anymore.
Walk away:
Running away is a good way to ensure that you don’t do things that you will regret later. Make up an excuse if necessary. Or say that you would rather talk more later. Or just shrug your shoulders and realize it’s not worth worrying about. When you walk away, you have time to calm down your angry mood. Running away is not for the faint of heart. If you can walk away, it means you are stronger than your anger. And that you take responsibility for your own behavior.
Talking about your frustration:
It’s good to talk about your frustration. Then it becomes clear what exactly you are dealing with. Or what’s going on between you and someone else. Then you can also look for a solution. You can also talk about it with a good friend. But also with the person you have problems with. If you want a good conversation, consider the following:
Talk from within yourself (the I form)
When you are angry or irritated, you quickly tend to blame the other person. You’re actually saying: it’s your fault that I feel this way now! If you tell the problem from your own point of view, you give the other person a chance to think along.
Listen carefully to the other person
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