When we make contact with another, we not only use words, but we also communicate with our bodies.
Body language
Body language refers to all the movements and facial expressions we use to supplement our verbal communication. We also call this non-verbal communication. We are not always aware of what body language we are using. Facial expressions are often automatic and we do not always stand still when gesticulating with our hands. As a result, we can unconsciously transmit signals to others that have a negative effect. This is often unintentional, but very annoying for the other person.
The most common body language mistakes
Below are some examples of incorrect body language. The person you are communicating with will often feel uncomfortable when he or she is confronted with these ways of communication.
The handshake
The handshake immediately gives the person you shake hands an indication of your personality. With a weak hand one will soon think that one is dealing with a weak personality. A hand squeezing the other person will seem intimidating. A handshake that is too long also gives a negative impression, it gives a feeling of threat. Placing your other hand over the person’s hand can come across as possessive, you can’t break away.
So give a firm, but not harsh, hand and don’t hold the other person’s hand longer than necessary.
The kiss
We are used to kissing people on the cheek. However, some people are tempted to kiss the other person on the mouth. Even people they don’t know well. So don’t kiss on the mouth with everyone. Neatly on the cheek is fine.
Many people kiss in the air when giving three kisses, there is nothing wrong with this, kissing is a habit and does not have to be very intimate.
The mouth
You can give various expressions to your face with your mouth. A plum mouth appears reserved. Listening to the other person with a wide mouth, your eyebrows furrowed and nodding comes across as if you are not taking that person seriously. When you listen to someone, maintain a relaxed and interested attitude, do not put on a condescending expression on your face, so that you do not convey a negative message.
Your head
Sometimes people start shaking their heads no before someone has finished his or her story. This makes it clear that you do not agree with the story and that you no longer listen to the person in front of you. This person feels ignored and misunderstood. First let someone tell his or her story, then give a verbal response.
The eyes
Turning the eyes gives the same effect as the example with the wide mouth. The person in front of you will not be taken seriously and will experience your attitude as derogatory.
Keeping your eyes closed for a while comes across as if you are not interested and as if you already know the story being told. Try to look interested when someone is telling you something, even if you already know the story . You can say something like, Oh yeah, you told me that last week, to remind the person that you already know about it.
Looking straight at people gives a dangerous impression. Blink your eyes during the conversation, try not to stare as if the person in front of you is your prey.
Place in relation to the person you are talking to
It happens that during a conversation people move closer to the person they are talking to. This person will often step back, after which the other person will often come closer again. This pose appears quite intimidating and aggressive. Usually the intention is to appear sympathetic and cordial, but this is not experienced as such by the other party. So always keep a certain distance between you and the person you are talking to.
Conscious negative body language
We are all familiar with the middle finger, which is regularly raised when we have something to blame the other person for. A middle finger is given consciously. The gesture therefore comes across as very negative and may provoke a response that is even more negative.
Hand kisses or kisses in the air are also given consciously. If one does this to someone one does not know or does not know well, it can be experienced as intrusive.
Be aware of your body language
To become aware of your own body language, it is good to observe others. The body language of others that appears negative to you is a point of attention for you. If you also use this body language, it is time to unlearn it. Body language can be an important way to support yourself when you are speaking. However, be careful with body language that is not accompanied by verbal communication. It is then that you can give the wrong impression to the person you are communicating with.