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Human communication: a complex matter

As children we learn to talk, but we do not learn to communicate. While communicating is much more complex. Much more than just talking. We can distinguish between verbal and non-verbal communication. Both are not to be underestimated. Even when we remain silent and do not respond, we communicate. And the other draws conclusions from that. It is therefore quite important to realize what we do or do not do, say or not say, in short: how we come across to others.

Interaction

Talking is not the same as communicating. Communication is much more than just talking. You also communicate with your gaze, your posture and many other non-verbal means. Even when we are silent we communicate. Because we let the other person know something, and he/she can draw a conclusion from it or not. People who have known each other well for a long time need few words to understand each other. The amount of words does not say much about the quality of communication. You can use a lot of words while the other person doesn’t understand anything and you talk past each other. You can even be very strong verbally, but if the other person feels backed into a corner or overwhelmed, you miss your target. In any case, there is an interaction. How successful it is depends on many factors.

Where people interact with each other, there is always influence (even if this is often unintentional).

I

Inside : Antenna; feelings, intentions, sensations, thoughts, meanings

Outside : (Body) language; verbal and non-verbal communication / language and body language

 

Premature

Even if I am not aware of it, even if I do not want it, I still conjure up an image in the other person from which the other person inevitably draws conclusions. From what I say or don’t say, from my behavior, my body language. This has an impact on the feelings, thoughts and experiences of the other person. And he/she will respond or not. After which I in turn draw my conclusions. Communication is therefore a continuous interaction. That fits together like a puzzle. And you have to be very careful that your conclusions are not premature, but well-founded. And that you check in between whether you understand each other.

Outside : mutual influence through the outside

Inside : reflection of what happens in terms of influence on the inside

The other Effect: the inside can also influence the outside and therefore influence.

 

The outside

I only see/experience the outside of the other person (and vice versa).

If someone remains silent, it could mean that…

  • he thinks
  • he enjoys
  • something has gone wrong
  • he is tired

 

Who pays a lot of attention to her appearance…

  • it matters how she looks
  • has a lot of money
  • occupies a representative position
  • has/had an important appointment today

Influence can be interpreted both positively and negatively: as support or interference, as distraction or as indifference, as modesty or as evasive behavior.

Negative

Body language is ambiguous. Mere observation (without interpretation) is difficult, if not impossible. You automatically interpret the other person’s attitude/behavior; give it meaning. And the more unclear the outside of the other person, the more you fill in. Difficult communication is a source of misunderstandings because our interpretation is also predominantly negative. Because we fear what we do not know and do not understand. Someone who looks strange, different, doesn’t have to say or do much, the first impression says a lot. Whether it is correct is another matter.

Condemn

We are usually very aware of the influence of others, but much less of our own influence on others. We have not learned to pay attention to the effects of our own exterior. While we constantly judge people and even worse: condemn them, we do not realize that others also do the same to us in reverse. The way we dress and behave, what we say, it’s all open to various interpretations. Everyone looks with their own perspective, has their own experiences that color that perspective. What we do not see, hear or understand, we fill in ourselves to complete the picture. That is dangerous, because how often are we wrong? Not to mention all the times we don’t find out…

In short

Be careful when completing and interpreting based on the little information you have. And even if you know a lot about someone, or think you know a lot, it is important to check whether your information is reliable. Do you know the other person’s history? Do you know why he is behaving this way or is it just a hunch? Is someone arrogant or does he appear to look that way, while in fact he feels insecure? How often have you been wrongly judged and how did you experience that? So think twice before pinning someone down on something. You wouldn’t be happy if people talked negatively about you, or if wrong conclusions were drawn from your behavior and appearance.