To understand reality, we often look for a linear explanation according to the cause-effect principle: one thing leads to another. However, the matter is more complex. When we communicate with each other, many factors are interrelated; there is a circular process. It is not as simple as we would like: who is wrong and who is right. There is mutual influence, snapshots and a certain context. So we have to look at the matter, the problem, more broadly, in its context and with its history. Only then can we unravel an issue.
Explaining reality
People need explanations to interpret reality. We look for causal factors. Because we think that if we know the cause of a problem, we also understand what follows from it. However, that is only one way to get to the bottom of reality, to understand what is going on.
Infinite coherence
In addition, we can start from a circular explanatory principle: the infinite coherence in a continuous interaction. We call this ‘circular’ because the connection is infinite, without an identifiable beginning or end, so without one clearly recognizable cause or effect.
Cause-effect
The linear principle of explanation (cause – effect) is far from optional. It assumes a beginning, the cause, that leads to a certain effect. A simple example: poor communication can lead to a far-reaching misunderstanding. In this case there is only one cause. However, it is often a bit more complicated: when two or more people have problems with each other in their interactions and are looking for a cause, they have three options:
- It is my fault
- It depends on the other(s)
- It depends on external factors
Example : Geert and Goof are friends and have been playing tennis together for years. Geert has been absent three times recently. He never hears from Goof again. If you analyze this situation to get to the core of the problem, this will result in the following possibilities:
Goof thinks:
- I must be playing too bad tennis
- Geert does not keep to the agreements, he is unreliable
- The tennis club is unpleasant
Geert thinks:
- Goof chokes me; I am a workaholic
- Goof has no understanding for my situation
- Goof doesn’t call anymore, his wife certainly doesn’t allow that
Guilt/innocence
All of our social life is organized in such a way that justice has only one function: who is right and innocent, and who is wrong and therefore guilty? This also happens with relationship problems and setbacks. Reality, as shown above, is much more complicated.
Influence / share
Circular process: one form of coherence
This mutual influence takes place via the outside, within a certain context. It is no longer about guilt, but about influence/share. Other possible causes of the above problem are:
- Goof’s phone is broken
- they are both very busy
- they are each looking for a solution to resume appointments
- they both let it run its course
- etc.
Context
The circular process is a perpetual motion . Nothing is fixed, these are snapshots. There is also not one context, there are various contexts. Geert can deal with at least five contexts:
- The tennis club
- His work
- His family
- His friendship with Goof
- Goof’s family
We then talk about the horizontal section .
History
In addition, we are dealing with the history of each individual, or the vertical section:
- Goof has played in three different clubs in the last ten years. Geert is the first real tennis friend.
- Goof is used to everything running on time and smoothly.
- Goof was made fun of at school because he was so ‘stiff’; he’s certainly not the athletic type.
- At the beginning of his marriage, Goof had many conflicts with his wife about whether or not he should have his own hobby.
The diagram below shows both the horizontal and vertical cross-section. Horizontally we can fill in the various contexts, while vertically we can fill in the mentioned histories:
Tennis episode
Geert |
——————-> |
Goof |
|
1 2 3 4 5 … |
1 2 3 4 5 … |
||
1 |
1 |
||
2 |
2 |
||
3 |
3 |
||
4 |
4 |
||
5 |
5 |
Social pressure
Each of us faces social pressure and has different ways of dealing with it. What ‘people’ think is not always clear to both parties, but can often be formulated as a hypothesis. It is good to realize which particular social view is influential in order not to end up in the danger zone where conflicts, pain and alienation are only attributed to people and/or relationships involved. There is a broader connection. This makes it difficult to formulate a conflict.
In addition, there is also social pressure where the norm is that people ‘shouldn’t’ care about ‘what people think or think’.
Rules and standards
Dealing with social pressure is not easy. Belonging means that certain rules and norms must be followed. On the other hand, those who feel they belong somewhere and have sufficient identity will be able to obstruct, deviate and protest more easily.