One has a perfect relationship and the other is dissatisfied or worse. And experience shows that such a situation can even occur in one relationship. The perception of a relationship may be different for both partners and/or there may be too little communication. Partners who do not understand each other enough, for whatever reason. This cannot usually be resolved in a second, but there are some “rules” that help to get the relationship back to optimal condition.
The base
The basis of almost every relationship is that partners have fallen in love with each other at some point and from that infatuation a loving relationship has arisen, on which people have based their joint existence. Very normal actually, or not? Because to feel that basis again, go back in your mind to this early period. What comes with this is of course the feeling and alternate this with the period when you did not yet know your partner. Then try to clarify the feeling, the difference in feeling actually, for yourself.
Drag or not
The figures show that for many couples who have separated, routine has proven to be an important factor. 65% of men and 34% of women have experienced this.
While there is plenty to do in terms of routine.
To surprise
Surprise your partner by putting yourself in his/her shoes. If you ever get something nice, try to be that surprising factor yourself. What would your partner like and that can vary from a bouquet of flowers to tickets for the theater, a weekend away or a nice book with a personal text in it. The surprise factor appears to have a positive effect on many people within the relationship. It is also important that you can and dare to enjoy yourself when you see your partner happy with the attention.
Valuation
Many relationships fail or threaten to fail due to mutual lack of appreciation for each other. People take each other for granted and instead of regularly expressing appreciation to each other, we tend to see the partner as part of the furniture. The fact that crowds and children are given an active role is not justified, but it is suggested by 58% as the reason that we are no longer active in appreciating each other.
Many people also indicate that the proportions in the relationship are not proportionate and that dissatisfaction creeps into the relationship. Women in particular indicate this and the dissatisfaction that arises is not shown or is disguised. We are therefore no longer talking about not expressing or showing appreciation, but there is simply no appreciation or only a very limited degree of appreciation.
Men are a bit more lenient about this, especially if they have the traditional role of main breadwinner. Where men do express their dissatisfaction about the lack of appreciation , 45% of this has to do with the fact that they bring in the money that the partner and any children can live on.
Communication
Communication is not about imposing someone’s will, wanting to change someone, but talking about what concerns you, what you find beautiful, fun and tasty. And communication is listening, because just as you share this with your partner, your partner should also be able to share this with you. If your partner is not the biggest talker, forcing is not an option. Encourage your partner to report what is on his/her mind, even if only by asking what he/she thinks about something specific.
But also do things together and talk about your individual experiences in this process. Even if you step into something together, you are an individual and gain experience as an individual.
Another…
Although more women than men end relationships, it is mainly men who have another relationship. Some in addition to an existing relationship, which is not accepted. If there is no trust in a relationship, there is a logical explanation. But a dormant relationship can be revived with a temporary relationship. It is important to be honest about this at some point. If partners realize what their relationship has suffered and what it can become again, there is a chance of success. However, only 2 in 10 relationships that experience such a situation survive. Usually there is no more room and this can be explained by emotion.
Finally
The figures used come from studies from 2009 and 2010 from universities in Vancouver, New York and Madrid. A total of 320 couples were followed for a longer period. The couples are chosen at random, but the traditional roles are in the majority (which also represents a realistic image of society).
It is not clear whether the situations can be projected one-on-one onto Dutch society, but a number of individual situations could also apply to Dutch couples.