Rituals help us prepare for an event or process it properly. Rituals are very important for children. This article provides background information about rituals and examples of rituals for children.
Rituals
Rituals are as old as humanity. We find rituals in all cultures and all times. Rituals give people the feeling that they have control over their environment and the future. They serve to reassure people. Rituals can be very simple such as lighting a candle or very complex with a series of actions that must be performed correctly.
Why rituals for children?
Children do not yet know the world well and are often unsure about things that adults take for granted. Because they cannot comprehend certain things, such as death or negative human behavior or weather phenomena, they can develop fears about this. Often the fears sound absurd to adults, yet they are real to the child. Illogical cause and effect connections are made that lead to great fears and obsessions. Talking helps expose these fears. Only when you know what your child is afraid of can you act.
Logical reasoning can calm an adult, but rarely works with a child. The child has already made the connections and cannot refute them with logic. Moreover, logic can lead to the minimization of fears: the child then gets the feeling that it is not being taken seriously and decides to remain silent about the fears that remain present.
Rituals give the child the feeling that the situation is manageable. Some rituals a parent can do alone, such as checking for monsters under the bed. The child can participate in other rituals in order to control the situation himself.
How do you come up with a ritual?
You can use rituals that are present in your own religion, such as praying. The child will adopt these rituals when he sees you doing it. You only have to guide your child in correctly performing the ritual.
You can also come up with rituals yourself. It is best to pay attention to the following points. The ritual must:
- be adapted to your child: your child must understand it (no complex actions) and preferably carry it out themselves.
- arouse and maintain your child’s interest. It certainly shouldn’t bore your child.
- Being safe.
- don’t take too long: short rituals work best.
- leave time and space to reflect on emotions.
- carried out in a relaxed manner: haste is certainly not recommended because this can have an adverse effect.
Examples of rituals
- Dance: this works very well with smaller children. Simple dance steps (possibly with a song or verse) give the child the feeling that he can control his environment.
- Incense: incense is used in many religions to create an atmosphere. Frankincense comes in many different scents. Do not use stimulating scents, but rather calming ones such as lavender or woods. Draw a circle in the air with the stick and use a verse or affirmation to emphasize the ritual.
- Candles: candles fascinate many people. The light and heat have a calming effect. You can use scented candles, but that is not necessary. Say an affirmation or spell before lighting the candle. Make sure that you do not place candles on a flammable surface.
- Writing: Older children can write down their fears. The paper can be shredded or burned.
Finally
Rituals are good for temporarily controlling a situation. By calming down in stressful circumstances, you can distance yourself from a situation and put everything into perspective. As a result, fear will no longer occur often. As soon as the child sees that the situation is not threatening, he will be able to put it into perspective and no longer have a need for the ritual. The ritual slowly fades away: interest decreases and it is no longer performed correctly and eventually not at all. This can happen quickly or take a very long time.
However, in some children this can lead to obsessive behavior and compulsive behavior. In such a situation it is not advisable to stop the ritual, but it is advisable to look at the child’s living environment and identify and solve the problems in the living environment. Compulsive behavior is a signal that the child feels he has no control over his life or certain situations. By tackling the problems, the child gains peace and the feeling that he has control over the situation and his life. His living environment feels safe and there is no longer a need for rituals that give control over his life. Appropriate guidance can help the child control his obsessive behavior.