Successful manipulative behavior requires at least two people: the one who manipulates and the one who allows himself to be manipulated. If you, as a parent, notice that your child is exhibiting manipulative behavior, it is important to examine your own behavior and adjust it where necessary, so that you can put an end to your son or daughter’s unwanted behavior. Study the guide with five practical tips (including an extensive explanation). The moment you notice that your child is exhibiting manipulative behavior, it is important to examine your own behavior. The following tips are intended to help you address your child’s manipulative behavior.
- Stick to the rules you set for your child
- Be clear about the roles and responsibilities of parent and child
- Realize that you are not responsible for your child’s feelings
- Strive not to manipulate yourself
- Make it clear to the child that ethical values are more important than having luxuries
Stick to the rules you set for your child
Do you try to please your children by avoiding friction as much as possible? Are you inclined to relax or even let go of the rules you previously set in order to maintain peace at home?
Remember that a child’s comment such as, ,I promise I’ll do it later,, after you ‘ve asked the child to do something now , is an attempt by the child to take power away from you and toward him or her.
Instead of giving in to a child’s unjustified wish, it is better to teach your child to deal with the sometimes harsh reality of life. In the long run, you will both benefit the most from this.
Be clear about the roles and responsibilities of parent and child
As a parent you have a different role and responsibilities than your child. Be clear about that. If it is not clear to the child that you have the leading role, the child will enter into a struggle for power. In this context, make sure that you have made clear agreements with the other parent about what the child is or is not allowed to do, so that your son or daughter cannot play you off against each other.
However annoying all kinds of commandments and prohibitions may be for a child, the absence of them is even more annoying for him. Especially if you as a parent do not set clear boundaries, the child does not know what to expect and this makes them unhappy. So set the boundaries of what the child is or is not allowed to do and stick to them. Make sure the child knows the consequences of violating those rules. Don’t change the consequences based on how much fuss a child makes when he doesn’t like something. Only if you respond consistently will the child eventually learn that there is no point in continuing to challenge the rules. Every exception to a previously stated rule is an open invitation to the child to challenge every rule in every possible way in the near future.
Realize that you are not responsible for your child’s feelings
Although you are responsible for your behavior towards your child, you are not responsible for your child’s feelings. A well-known pitfall is the misconception that parents should ensure that children feel comfortable. That thought sometimes arises from a parent’s fear that his child will otherwise not love him. A child shouting: You hate me! tries to manipulate you.
It is also a wrong idea that parents have to solve their son or daughter’s problems. A better view is that parents would do well to help their child solve his own problems. It is better to be empathetic towards the child and give him support in solving his problem. That works better than you solving the child’s problem yourself.
So never do the homework for the child. It can of course be useful to help your child do his or her homework. And above all, do not cooperate if a child is sick from school. What helps are comments like: I know it’s difficult, but I also know you can do it. Or something like Take a deep breath and then make a start. If your child notices that you expect him to be able to get something done, this will increase his self-confidence and indirectly also his problem-solving skills.
If you take the responsibility of the child for his own feelings or for solving the child’s own problems, he gets the idea that a problem is always someone else’s fault and that the responsibility is therefore not in principle his own. is. Rather, encourage the child to develop into an independent person.
Strive not to manipulate yourself
Sometimes it is very tempting to quickly get something done with a simple manipulative action. But by doing so you are setting the wrong example for your own child. So never make false promises to the child, but only promise what you can keep. Never bribe the child with comments such as if you clean your room now, you can go to bed later tonight.
Boys and girls are very good at imitating the behavior of their parents. So nothing beats setting a good example. If you often set a child the wrong example, for example because you are tired and don’t feel like making fuss, you are, as it were, teaching the child the art of manipulation yourself.
Make it clear to the child that ethical values are more important than having luxuries
Remember that material convenience, such as being able to afford all kinds of luxuries, is only a pleasant side effect. And that your ethical values are of considerably greater importance. Make sure your child is aware of what the most important values in life are for you. Show the child how important you find values such as telling the truth.
A child who, thanks to a non-manipulative upbringing, learns to stand firm on his own, becomes relatively insensitive to possible manipulations by classmates and others, because the child has learned such strategies by seeing. That is why such a child is rarely bullied. Such a child also does not allow himself to be deceived by others.
Remember that having a balanced child starts with a balanced upbringing in which there is no room for manipulative behavior.
read more
- How do you protect yourself against manipulative people?
- Manipulation or innocent influence by the child
- Can a corrective spanking do any harm?
- The manipulative child
- Tips to control the behavior of a manipulative child