Bullying is common among young people. It is a structural form of aggression directed against people who are physically or psychologically weak. There can be several reasons why people bully or are bullied. Bullies may have been bullied in the past, have problems at home, want to exert power or want to take revenge. People who are bullied may have bad looks: too fat, red hair, glasses. However, that does not always have to be the cause. However, they are less resilient. How dangerous is this bullying behavior?
What is bullying?
If one or more people structurally harm other people physically, verbally or psychologically, this is called bullying. The bully has a sense of power over the person being bullied. The victim is unable to defend himself against this. Nowadays, a lot of bullying behavior takes place via the Internet and mobile phones.
Victims of bullying
People who are bullied are usually physically weak. They have a somewhat passive, submissive character and find it difficult to stand up for themselves. They may not meet the applicable standard. This could be anything. People who are overweight, have red hair, stutter, are very small or very tall. However, not everyone who falls outside the norm will automatically become a victim of bullying. Children who fall victim to bullying usually have reduced social skills.
Boys who are bullied are often mama’s boys. Girls who are bullied usually have a bad relationship with their mother. Bullying is most common in children between the ages of 10 and 14. The way of bullying is different for boys than for girls. Boys are more likely to use physical and verbal violence. Girls make more use of social, relational ways of bullying, such as gossiping.
Profile of a bully
Bullies can start bullying for a variety of reasons. It is possible that they have been victims of bullying themselves in the past. By becoming perpetrators, they want to avoid becoming victims again. Bullies can have a dominant character. They want to assert their power and want to impress their classmates through bullying behavior. This behavior is often born from the bully’s own insecurity and fear. By bullying someone else you run less risk of being bullied yourself. Bullies often work in groups. By bullying you remain part of the group.
The reason why someone starts bullying may have to do with the situation at home. Parents who pay little attention to their children, provide little supervision or domestic violence within the family are factors that increase the risk of bullying behavior.
Bullies cannot empathize with the feelings of their victims. They also do not feel guilty or responsible for their actions. If the bully and the bullied meet again later, when they are adults, the impact will be much greater for the bullied than for the bully. People who were bullied as children often carry this with them for the rest of their lives. Bullies hardly see this and will downplay their behavior, even later in life.
Figures on bullying
Research has shown that more than a quarter of students bully occasionally. About 6% of these bullies are structural. There is slightly more bullying in secondary education than in primary education. Boys appear to bully slightly more than girls. A new form of bullying is digital bullying, via the Internet or mobile phone. More than 50% of young people appear to be guilty of this at some point.
Figures about being bullied
Victims of bullying do not always want to come clean about this. They are ashamed of it and do not report the bullying behavior. For this reason, research shows a lower percentage of bullied children than of bullies. More than 10% of primary school children indicate that they are sometimes bullied. In secondary education this percentage is lower, 6%. This is probably because children of that age find it increasingly difficult to admit that they are being bullied.
Consequences of bullying
What can be the consequences of bullying, for both the bully and the victims of bullying?
Bullies:
- False popularity
- Social problems
- Inappropriate behavior
False popularity
Bullies have the idea of being very popular due to group behavior. Yet that is often just an appearance. Bullying makes others afraid of becoming a victim of the bully. By joining the bully, they are less likely to be bullied themselves.
Social problems
The behavior a bully exhibits is socially unacceptable. Yet the bully is continuously rewarded for this negative behavior. He/she has prestige in the group, is ,popular, and is not corrected for his/her behavior. A bully may start to see his behavior as normal. As an adult, this can cause social problems.
Inappropriate behavior
Someone who has been bullied for years thinks they have a certain power over other people. You see that bullies come into contact with the police more often later in life, they often drink more alcohol and are more involved in fights. They have learned incorrect social behavior and have not been corrected enough. They see their behavior as acceptable and do not feel guilty about their socially unacceptable behavior.
Victims of bullying:
- Social problems
- Emotional problems
- Depression
- Loneliness
- Fear
- Lack of self confidence
- Physical problems
- Dead
Social problems
Bullying will make a victim feel very insecure. They think that they are not worth it to other people and find it increasingly difficult to make social contacts.
Emotional problems
As a victim of bullying you end up outside the group. You feel alone and abandoned by everyone. This affects people emotionally a lot. An important point here is the shame that victims of bullying experience. They do not dare to admit that they are being bullied. Not even with the people they do trust, such as their parents. This can cause great emotional damage.
Depression
If someone is structurally bullied for a longer period of time, this can ultimately lead to depression. Victims of bullying find themselves increasingly isolated and find it difficult to talk about this with others. The fear they experience every day of being attacked by bullies affects their entire life.
Loneliness
Due to the taboo on bullying, there are still many victims of bullying who do not want or cannot talk about it. The bullying behavior is maintained by the group and as a result, the bullied lead a very lonely existence. They often no longer dare to go to school and prefer to stay near the teacher during breaks. Shame makes them less likely to confide in a teacher.
Fear
Bullying often takes place out of the sight of teachers or the home front. Usually a victim is attacked by an entire group. This makes the bullied very anxious. They no longer dare to go to school. Because they find it difficult to talk about it at home, they do not explain why they do not want to go to school. Not every school has the same amount of supervision and attention is paid to bullying behavior.
Lack of self confidence
People who are bullied have very low self-esteem. They don’t like themselves and they no longer trust other people. This continues throughout their lives. This will make it more difficult for them to function as adults. They do not have the confidence that they have their own qualities.
Physical problems
Due to the psychological pressure that victims experience every day due to bullying, they can suffer from physical complaints. Common problems they may experience are: headache, stomach ache, bedwetting, sleeping problems and overtiredness.
Dead
The Netherlands has been woken up by the suicide of a 20-year-old boy who no longer wanted to live after years of being bullied. His parents included part of his suicide note in the obituary. This shows that Tim Ribberink could no longer cope with life due to the bullying behavior of his classmates.
Suicide due to bullying is not very common, but victims of bullying behavior are at great risk. Much more attention needs to be paid to this. Once again a 15-year-old girl from Staphorst has taken her own life. She jumped in front of the train in Meppel under the eyes of classmates. It has emerged that Fleur left a suicide note, which shows that she had suffered from bullying for years.
How can bullying be prevented?
Schools:
Schools will have to become even more alert to bullying behavior by their students. Education about bullying should become a permanent part of the curriculum. The Children’s Ombudsman Marc Dullaerts advocates concrete bullying protocols, which should provide a safer environment for children. State Secretary for Education, Sander Dekker, has the inspectorate conduct research to see what schools are currently doing against bullying. There are currently no sanctions associated with this. Dekker wants schools to take responsibility for this and to be able to choose how they can best approach this. He will discuss this with experts and schools.
Parents:
- As a parent, it is important to make your child resilient to bullying from an early age. The better your child can cope, the stronger he/she is in his/her shoes. Resilient children are not easily bullied.
- Show your child that he/she can always ask for help. This way you offer your child the opportunity to talk about problems.
- Pay attention to your child. Let them know that you are always there for them.
- Show respect and appreciation for people who are ,different,. You are the best example for your child
- Maintain good contact with school, so that you know what is going on with your child
- If your child is insecure, let him/her take up a defense sport, for example judo. This increases your child’s self-confidence.
- Monitor what your child does via the Internet or telephone. At the moment, a lot of bullying takes place via the Internet or mobile phone.
Finally
Bullying can have a huge impact on people’s lives. Whether you are one of the bullies or the bullied, children who are confronted with bullying behavior get the wrong idea of how to deal with people. They experience that when someone is bullied, bystanders do not intervene, the bullies always have the power, victims are worth less and adults do not intervene (in time). This can damage children for life.
It is the job of adults, parents, teachers, to pay attention to this. Bullying will never be completely eradicated, but by paying more attention to this subject, much suffering can be prevented. Unfortunately, something bad has to happen first for this problem to become a priority.