Children go to school, join a class and spend many hours in each other’s company, together with their teacher. Is the classroom a learning factory, or do you also learn how life works in a classroom? If the classroom is a community where you can learn how to build a bond with each other, how do you do that as a teacher?
Life is living together
Living alone is impossible. You need each other to enjoy life. This starts early in daycare or playgroup and especially if you go to school every day as a toddler. In a daily rhythm you not only learn to play, read, calculate and spell, but you also learn that everyone is different. You learn that sometimes you celebrate life and bad things happen.
Children in the classroom mirror the teacher
In the book ‘The Whispering Child’ Janita Venema teaches us that our own children are a mirror for us. They show where our blind spots are. These are the things that are hidden deep inside our unconscious; anger, sadness, fear, loneliness, fear of failure, not getting enough attention in the past. Old pieces that hurt, but they are stuck in a jar with a lid. Our children feel and know what is going on and show this through behavior, play, dreams and even illness.
But children also mirror their teacher.
Your vulnerable side
As a teacher, do you dare to show your vulnerable side? Many a teacher tells me that he or she is afraid of losing control of the classroom. But does it also work that way? Or the other way around? Suppose you, as a teacher, were to say to a group of 7: ‘Today is going to be a difficult day for me because I feel sad’, what would happen? The pounding or an attitude of empathy from the children towards you? It has everything to do with the interaction. Children sense much more than you think. Without you noticing, they show you where you stand. They are restless (what makes you restless inside), or they are busy and unfocused (what are you so busy inside and what are you concentrating on inside?)
Sow first
But you don’t just have an open atmosphere in your classroom. What you sow you will reap; first listen with great respect to children and what they are experiencing in their lives. Then children show their emotions, because it feels safe with this teacher. And gradually, if you have shown that you have an eye for the individual, children will get that too; have an eye for each other. You help them by pointing out the other person’s feelings: ‘Sanne is sad because her grandfather is very ill and Nathan is angry that he was not allowed to play football during the break.’ But also pay attention to and celebrate the beautiful moments in a child’s life and in yours as a teacher. This creates a bond between you and the student and a bond between you.
In the circle
Talking to children in an open circle is very important. You have to show yourself and cannot hide behind a table. After the break, where many things happen between children, it is a good idea to check whether everyone had a good time. Bullying often happens in those moments. Discussing it and letting children tell each other what bothered them or what made them very happy creates a bond.
Master Kanamori
The man of Japanese life lessons, Mr. Kanamori, shows in his documentary what a community is all about, which he believes is a class. Attention is paid to each other’s lives. Crying is allowed and children are challenged to stand up for each other. They have learned to listen to each other with respect. If you learn this early, you will reap it in your adult life. But it requires an example. Children learn from what they see us adults do. Not because of what we say. Mr. Kanamori eventually leaves his group and you see them standing, holding hands. A circle of children who have learned to live together.