Everyone has to deal with friendship, we form friendships throughout our lives and friendships disappear again, often in a natural way. Sometimes you want to end a friendship because the person no longer suits you in terms of behavior.
When do you end a friendship?
A friendship can sometimes last years and some friendships are for life. Just like with cohabitants or marriage partners, friendships also sometimes break down and there is no life left in the friendship. Ending a friendship is often very difficult, friendship often feels as if it should be for life: a friend will not let you down. However, there are situations where maintaining the friendship is not good for you and your development. Then you have to end the friendship. It often takes a long time before someone dares to take the step to end a friendship, but in some cases it is better to go your own way and pay your attention to new or different friends.
In the following cases it is better to end a friendship:
- You have outgrown the friendship relationship: even though you may have been friends for many years, you are still developing separately from each other. Your demeanor and beliefs may change over the years, causing you to become disconnected. Moreover, you can inhibit each other’s development, because one does not appreciate the changes of the other.
- There is no longer any give and take: when one person only takes, the other has lost all his or her energy in giving: there is no more balance in the relationship.
- The other person asks too much of the relationship: sometimes someone wants to be more than they are in your life. He or she labels you as his or her best friend, while you don’t feel that way. There is pressure on you to be more than what you are or want to be.
- Negativity: when the other person is only negative, for example when you have a problem, this does not contribute to a healthy relationship. Instead of cheering you up (as it should be among friends), your boyfriend or girlfriend constantly puts you down and makes you sink even deeper. This is not good for your development and your self-confidence.
How do you end a friendship?
Ending a friendship almost feels like betrayal. A friendship is almost like an unwritten law. This makes ending a friendship very difficult. Someone you may have been very good friends with for years will sometimes have no idea that you are planning to end the friendship. Moreover, most people will be afraid of hurting the other person.
Below are some tips on how to end a friendship:
- Ending a friendship when you’ve grown apart is actually the easiest. Because the process of growing apart is already underway, the bonds will be less strong. The best way to end such a friendship is to let it die down. Probably neither of you will find it a big problem if you see or speak to each other less and less. The relationship will then naturally fizzle out.
- Breaking up with someone who is a real ,taker, seems very difficult. Since the taker has always put a certain pressure on you, breaking such a relationship seems very scary. The solution is simple: stop giving. People who are ,takers, will find another victim who is willing to be a giver (temporarily or otherwise). That way the friendship will pass naturally.
- If the other person expects much more from the relationship than you do, show that you are also busy with other friends, and that your time is not just for him or her. If the person in question then distances himself a bit and can be friends in a more neutral way, you do not have to end the friendship, provided you feel comfortable with it. Often the person concerned will continue to look for a special friend, but then realize that it will not be you. When this person ,focuses his arrows on someone else, the friendship will become less and less close (and less oppressive).
- When dealing with a negative person, the way to end the friendship is to explain that his or her negativity is draining all your energy. The person in question knows very well that he or she can be quite negative. Confronting someone with this can even be an eye-opener for him or her. The negative person may also respond negatively to your message, but that is a problem he or she must deal with themselves and not your responsibility.
End friendship immediately?
Of course, a conflict situation can arise that brings a friendship to an abrupt end. The friendship then ends in an argument. If you find it difficult that a friendship has ended this way, it is a good idea to write a letter or email in which you officially end the friendship. Not only mention the problems that ended the friendship, but also the fun things you had together. Thank your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend for these fun moments. This way you were able to end the friendship in a dignified and respectful manner.
In all cases, you should always feel free to end a friendship immediately. When a friendship becomes oppressive, you may not have the patience to let it fade away. Then have a conversation and tell your friend why you feel that way, without judging the other person or attacking his or her behavior. It is important to emphasize that you have had good times together, but that it is now time for everyone to go their own way.