“Yes, I have, and they don’t say “no” anyway” is often the unconscious starting point of many children. And from their experience that is true. This is how they have been taught, either verbally or through behavior. By not saying “no” when something happens that you don’t like. By sooner or later giving in to the children’s endless nagging, you teach them that this behavior pays off. And if something pays off, you keep doing it. That is no longer human. And children ~ no matter how impossible their behavior sometimes ~ are people. So how do you change a child’s starting position from yes, I have, and no, they don’t say, to no, you have, and yes, you can have?
- No means no, and yes means yes
- Reasonable and unreasonable requests
- Stay calm, don’t create drama
- Listen to your child.
- Offer a choice
- Have the courage to say no
No means no, and yes means yes
In short, stick to your answer. Children understand perfectly that a no can turn into a yes. Children also have the advantage of time. And it doesn’t bother them if they hear no 15 times, only to hear yes the 16th time. Then they learned that 15 times no equals yes. And the next time they start with 15 no’s because then the yes comes.
Distinguish between reasonable and unreasonable requests
Don’t say no to every request on autopilot. By doing so you are selling your child short, and yourself too. In this way you also teach your child that asking is of no use, because people will say no anyway. By saying yes to reasonable requests, and possibly setting conditions, you show that you take your children seriously, but also set boundaries.
Stay calm, don’t create drama
Simply saying no to a request calmly and calmly will prevent a lot of drama in the future. Children can imitate you flawlessly, but the annoying thing is that you often don’t see it yourself. If you say no to a request with a deep sigh and rolling your eyes, then sooner or later you will have a child in front of you who rolls their eyes and sighs deeply and says I’m never allowed to do anything. Does your voice become shrill when you say no? and if you talk higher and faster, you create an angry 15-year-old teenager, who yells and screams No, I’m not doing that now, when something needs to be done.
Listen to your child
As you do this, just remember to listen to your children and acknowledge their feelings. If you acknowledge and appreciate your child’s feelings, your child will take you seriously. Even though the message is not nice. Your child realizes that you see what is important to him or her. No, you’re not allowed to go out, and I see that you’re disappointed now, it opens up more conversation, as a simple no, you’re not allowed to go out.
Offer a choice
By the time you feel like you’re just saying no to the kids, turning into a no-saying robot, offer a choice. That feels better for you and your child. no, you are not allowed to draw on the walls, but you are allowed to draw on the sidewalk outside, which emotionally sounds more pleasant than the comment no, you are not allowed to draw on the walls. This also applies to no, you can’t have a sweet, but you can have an apple and No, I don’t want you to go out for the weekend. You can go out next weekend, because we won’t have any visitors then.
Have the courage to say no
And just do that. Children don’t run away after saying no, and they don’t spontaneously love you less. Children love boundaries and are constantly looking for them. Give them that pleasure and give them those boundaries. Moreover, you are a parent to teach your children what is and is not possible, and not to just say ,yes,.