On the day of the funeral or cremation of someone very dear, many things still have to be arranged. It is also a very important day, because it is the last moment that someone is still very tangible in the neighborhood. On the day of the funeral or cremation, the last farewell is said to a loved one. But there is still a lot to be arranged on the day of the cremation or burial.
Can not sleep
Naturally, the night before the event can be difficult. Not being able to sleep, being restless, being sad. Try to find peace, because those who are overtired are much less able to deal with things. Now, of course, all the emotions may be there on that day, but it can also lead to a total feeling of collapse. If necessary, take something calming or a tea that brings some peace.
Flowers, music, an altar
On the day of the event itself, the building where the ceremony takes place sometimes still needs to be put in order. Flowers need to be placed, you may want to make a kind of altar with items from the loved one on it. This could simply be a table with some photos, but also with attributes that someone liked to use. If someone likes fishing, put down his or her fishing rod. With a nice photo of a huge catch next to it, it often gives a lot of recognition. If someone smoked, put down the last pack of cigarettes. Or that one book, the one craft, the last drink, that typical tea. If necessary, place candles next to the coffin and light them. There are candles specifically for this purpose that burn for a very long time. If all goes well, the music has already been selected. Check whether this all works by listening to it again.
The journey to the hearse
If the loved one is at home, the moment inevitably comes when the hearse comes to pick up the person in question. That is always much earlier than the moment of the ceremony. There is still time to say goodbye, so do so if you wish. You can also choose to carry the coffin to the car yourself. Once the person is in the hearse, there may be a moment of silence. Don’t let others distract you. There are always people on the street who ask the most stupid things at such a time. Just go ahead and do whatever you want at the moment. If someone lies in state in a mortuary, you can of course also be present at the time of transfer. Please inquire what time and time you would like to attend.
Carrying the coffin yourself
If you would like to carry the coffin yourself again at the location of the ceremony, make sure you are on time and inform the funeral director. It may mean that you have to drive back and forth a lot, but if it makes you feel good, then by all means do it. Help to place the coffin (or the person in shroud) as you and those around you see fit.
The reception
Then you often have to wait for the people who come to attend the ceremony. Decide where you want to stand or sit. (You have already indicated in advance whether there is an opportunity for condolence). Standing in a row is common, but it also makes it immediately difficult. You can also choose not to exchange thoughts with everyone and to offer your condolences until after the ceremonies. You don’t have to give a standard talk, by the way. People know that you are sad. Sometimes a hug and a kiss is enough to indicate.
Nice words
Once the guests have arrived and you have shaken everyone’s hands or not, the time comes when you can talk about the deceased. This can be done by a clergyman if you have agreed in advance. In that case, you can simply listen to what he or she has to say about the person in question. You may also want to say something yourself afterwards, but of course you can always do so.
If you speak yourself, make sure you have everything at hand. Paper, a glass of water , handkerchiefs for the sadness and perhaps someone who can stand by you and support you in this way. Just let it be what needs to be, that’s okay. Others can then give their speech if you have given the opportunity to do so.
The music
Usually music is listened to afterwards, but this is of course not absolutely necessary. Sometimes there are so many emotional songs performed at funerals that it is simply too much for everyone. Not a problem, but think in advance what you want to achieve with the music. The music does not have to be too loud, unless this is the intention. For younger people who have died, a very different funeral is often arranged than for the elderly. It is often very important for young people that their service is in accordance with what they felt and did. Loud music is often part of this.
Closing the coffin
Then inevitably comes the final moment of real saying goodbye. The people who have come for the ceremony may do so first. By walking to the coffin and saying or doing something often. Once all those people have left, for example to the reception area of a crematorium or to the cemetery, the loved ones can say goodbye. The lid of the box is then closed (you can also do this yourself). Things can be put in the box, such as drawings, a pack of cigarettes, a watch or something similar. Take all the time for this final moment, because it is a very important last moment. Kissing a deceased person is not strange either. Just do what comes to mind and say goodbye the way you want. Some people like to take some pictures of this moment. Say what you still have to say, if people need to step away for a moment, then arrange that. Not easy in such difficult times, but it is still possible.
Walk to the oven or carry the coffin
Once all intimates have said goodbye and the coffin is closed, the deceased goes to the oven of the crematorium or is taken to the cemetery. If it has been agreed that your loved ones will carry the coffin, you can do so. Carrying it is not easy though. Take this into account and make sure there is enough muscle. Nowadays, during cremation, loved ones are allowed to walk all the way to the oven and that way they can also join in that last part. Choose that if it makes you feel good.
To the cemetery
At a funeral, the hearse, followed by all other cars (or possibly a bus) goes to the cemetery. Relatives come after the hearse so that they can be the first to get out of the car to be with the deceased. The cemetery often arranges where you can park your car. The funeral director often arranges for you to be the first in the procession and hands you the flowers that others have sent or brought. If you carry the coffin, you often do not have to carry it all the way across an immense terrain. You can often drive the coffin first and then carry the coffin at the end. When you arrive at the grave, the coffin must be placed on some kind of span. This is because many people find it very unpleasant to see the coffin disappear into the ground. You can be present if you wish. Once the coffin is above the grave, the last words can be spoken there.
The very last farewell at the cemetery
The funeral director then requests to say goodbye again. That applies to anyone who wants it. It also applies here that the loved ones get the very last moment. If you would like to stay at the grave for another fifteen minutes, you can. If you don’t need that, you can also leave. If you would like to help close the grave yourself, you can do that too.
Coffee table or get-together
Often after all these ceremonies there is a meeting that is referred to as a coffee table or get-together. It gives everyone the opportunity to talk about the event with each other, but also to just have a chat. Although this used to happen almost in dead silence, that is no longer the norm these days. Anyone who believes that it is appropriate to put a crown on the life of the deceased by, for example, pouring a drink and serving a snack, can also choose to do so. Perhaps the deceased has even spoken out about this before and that is completely in line with what he or she wanted.
Over time, people will really want to leave. There is often a void left that you will have to fill yourself. If you don’t want to be alone (if you are in daily life), make sure you have company. You can also choose to have dinner with a bunch of friends (or they ask you to join them for dinner). Let it come as it comes and follow your feelings. Death affects you a lot, and that will become much clearer in the coming period. Moreover, there is often a whole administrative or operational task left. The handling of all kinds of financial matters, but also, for example, the sale of a home, the emptying of a house and everything associated with it, often comes your way.