Do you recognize the image of a child who screams, stamps or otherwise goes completely crazy when he doesn’t get his way? Or a child who often lies or comes up with excuses to get something done or to avoid having to do something? There is a good chance that you are dealing with a manipulative child. What behavior is characteristic of manipulative children and their parents?
Manipulative behavior is a two-way street
Manipulative behavior requires at least two people. A person who manipulates and a person who allows himself to be manipulated. This is about a child who manipulates and at least one parent who allows himself to be manipulated. The manipulative person attempts to influence the perception or behavior of others through deceptive or underhanded or violent means. He does this to benefit himself. A manipulative person often does not seem to realize that he is manipulating and a manipulated person does not always see that he is being manipulated.
This image of manipulator and manipulated also applies in the case of manipulative children and their parents. The moment a manipulated parent realizes that his own behavior is controlled by fear that the child will become angry or show other unpleasant behavior, a start can be made on breaking that undesirable behavior pattern. In essence, this means never rewarding manipulative behavior.
Psychological manipulation is learned behavior
The good news is that manipulative behavior is not innate. The bad news is that it is learned by the child. The boy or girl has probably learned this annoying behavior from one or more people in his immediate environment. That doesn’t always have to be his parents. Manipulative behavior starts almost unnoticed and is reinforced when the environment gives in to this behavior.
As a parent of a manipulative child, you can use a consistent approach to put a stop to your son or daughter’s annoying behavior and start working on a more pleasant and effective way of communication than psychological manipulation. Although letting go of manipulative behavior can be learned later, even in adulthood, if necessary, it is clear that the sooner the unwanted behavior is addressed, the sooner beneficial results will become visible.
A manipulative child is not a bad or heartless child
No matter how irritating the behavior of a manipulative child is, you should not conclude that he or she is a bad child. Such a young child usually does not consciously have malicious intentions. It only tries hard to achieve its own goals in a way that others do not like or that puts them at a disadvantage.
Remember that the boy or girl’s apparent callousness and selfishness often conceals a lot of insecurity or fear. There is often also social awkwardness. The child still has to learn to communicate his wishes in an acceptable way, to negotiate things that are negotiable, and to find an appropriate attitude to the frustrations that life brings him.
How do you recognize a manipulative child?
The following signs indicate that you are dealing with a child who is manipulative.
- The child constantly complains or whines about anything and everything, but especially about the rules he or she is expected to adhere to.
- The child tries to bend reality to his liking. Be alert to the ‘why’ strategy. Such a child comes up with countless reasons ‘why’ he cannot, should or does not have to do something. And also ‘why’ something is ‘stupid’, ‘unfair’ or ‘unnecessary’.
- The child will continue until you give it his way.
- The child misleads his parents with the help of promises, lies, excuses, procrastination or fanatical ‘negotiations’
Since children learn quickly and quickly adopt new behavior, it is important to break such undesirable behavior as quickly as possible by not giving in to it from now on. In this way you teach the child to grow up into a social and balanced person with a healthy dose of self-confidence.
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