Some children go through a difficult period when a new brother or sister is born. As parents you would have thought that the new baby would mainly be fun for the older child, but sometimes things turn out differently.
A new baby in the house
When you have given birth to your first child, you have time to pay all the attention you need to this baby. You surround the child with care. At the first cry or pain, you are often immediately on your feet to comfort your child. Your child feels welcome, safe and loved. It’s a different story when you give birth to your second. The new baby, just like your first child, needs a lot of care and attention. In most cases, your toddler will simply accept the baby and adapt to the changed situation. Sometimes, however, it is not so easy, your toddler turns into a little tantrum, suddenly loses toilet training and wakes up crying at night.
The eldest child receives less attention
After your second child is born, you will naturally have less time to spend on the eldest. Your eldest child was used to always receiving immediate attention and now often has to wait until mom (or dad) has finished caring for the baby. Where the toddler used to get the parents’ attention automatically, he or she now sometimes has to ask for it. Some children have difficulty with this and react by attracting negative attention.
Negative attention
Attracting negative attention by your eldest manifests itself through undesirable behavior. The child can become irritable if he or she does not get his or her way, is suddenly no longer toilet trained or keeps waking up during the night. The child is frustrated by the changes in the level of attention and expresses this by showing striking behavior. Striking behavior does attract the attention of the parents, even if it means a negative reaction.
How to deal with the negative behavior
It is best not to reward your toddler’s negative behavior with negative attention. So don’t complain about your child and don’t punish him for tantrums and bed-wetting. Try to give the eldest child attention in a positive way. Involve the child in caring for the baby, let him do small tasks. Reward the child by responding positively to the tasks he or she performs. For example, ,how clever of you, mom is so proud of you that you are so big already., Show that the baby cannot do all that yet. A difficult moment is often when you are feeding the baby, when your toddler falls or calls you from another room, you cannot easily get up. A handy solution is to purchase a nice picture book and take your toddler next to you on the couch when feeding your baby. The book is only brought out when you are about to feed. Together with the three of you on the couch, you make it a cozy moment, during which you feed the baby and talk to your toddler about what can be seen in the beautiful picture book.
When your toddler wakes up during the night, do not immediately walk to the child, wait a while to see if he or she falls asleep again. If your toddler continues to cry, go to them , comfort them with a pat on the head, for example, and calmly make it clear that your child needs to go back to sleep. Then go back to your own bed. Repeat this until the child falls asleep again. Try to emphasize the things your eldest can already do and is allowed to do. Compared to the baby, your toddler can already do much more.
Preparation before the baby is born
It is best to prepare your child as best as possible, even before the baby arrives. Toddlers between the ages of two and three can have a particularly difficult time with the arrival of a new baby.
- Try to involve your toddler as much as possible in the preparations for the baby’s arrival. For example, let your toddler choose some nice clothes.
- If your toddler still sleeps in the crib that the baby will soon be in, buy a new bed for your toddler as early as possible. Your toddler will then not have the impression that his or her bed has to be given up to the baby.
- Let your toddler help prepare the room in his or her own way.
- Look in the bookstore or library for books about babies, especially for their age, and go with your toddler to see what is said about them.
Will the jealousy go away again?
In most cases, your toddler’s jealousy will pass, especially if you involve the child as much as possible in activities related to the baby. Sometimes the arrival of a new baby has such an impact on the eldest child that he or she is left with a slight jealousy towards the younger brother or sister. If you notice that the jealousy does not go away, or takes serious forms, such as secretly and deliberately hurting the baby, seek help from your doctor or a parenting agency. They are familiar with such problems and can help you help your child become a happy and cheerful toddler again. Incidentally, it occasionally happens that a second child suffers from jealousy after the birth of the third. However, this is often less, because a second child is already used to having to share attention.