Once the pink cloud surrounding the baby has disappeared, the reality of raising children begins for many parents. Now that will not be difficult for everyone, but having to always be there, be alert to dangerous situations and respond adequately to your children day after day, will not always be easy. Parenting takes energy, time and attention. You have less time for yourself and sometimes children can go very far in their behavior. How do you keep it up in a fun way? There are all kinds of situations in a family in which children demand the utmost from you. You’ve asked your 3-year-old son several times to put away his toys, but he’s not about to listen. Or your 4-year-old daughter comes home with those cute snails that she found in the garden and would like to keep in her room, something you absolutely don’t like. Or you have had a long and hard day and your teenager has just chosen the meal to discuss with you about topics that you just don’t feel like discussing. Every parent sometimes suffers from a bad mood, fatigue and everyone wishes for more patience. But just as you can plan your time well, you can also practice your patience with your children with the following tips:
What are your expectations
It seems very obvious, but children are not adults in a nutshell. They think differently than an adult and they behave very differently. They are in full development. In fact, a child’s brain is not fully developed until he is 23 years old. The very last part of the brain to be fully developed is rational decision-making. So it is very important that we adjust the expectations we have of a child based on age, development and situation. If we expect a child to obey all the rules or do his homework on his own, then this will be very disappointing. Many adults already have problems keeping appointments or forget things that were important. Both a two-year-old and a teenager are working on independence, but both in different ways. Sometimes we expect things from our children that they are not capable of doing at all.
Don’t take your child’s behavior personally
Children, like adults, are not perfect. And they sometimes do things that go against you or hurt you. A three-year-old can defiantly say NO to everything, not because he wants to hurt you, but to do things himself, the way he wants. That needs to be practiced. Once you start taking your child’s behavior personally, you turn it into something that measures your suitability as a mother. Or rather: your unsuitability. If they behave well, we are the good mother, but if they do not behave as you would like, we are unsuitable as mothers. These feelings of failure trigger an emotional response that can lead to a loss of patience. While it is a great opportunity to learn more about your child and to teach the child new skills. A child must also learn through experiences how the world works.
What is your parenting style
There is no one parenting style that is the right one. Every parent is different and every child and every situation is different. By doing and making your own mistakes, you learn to become flexible and open to what works and what doesn’t. Every child has his own personality. It is good to be consistent, but it should not become the case that you want to have control over every situation. Then you will quickly lose your patience. It is therefore good to think about whether you are consistent or whether you respond differently to your child’s behavior every time. What behavior gets on your nerves? This is often whining, whining, not listening and rude behavior. But this is correct behavior that requires a consistent approach. If you have been warned and the child becomes rude in his answers, calmly let him know that you do not want this and that he should sit in his room for a while. With a younger child on the stairs or on a chair, so that he learns what the boundaries are.
Mother time out
In an emotionally tense situation it is not always necessary to give your child a time-out, but as a mother you can also take a time-out. If you notice yourself losing your patience, just walk away. You might think that your child has now become the boss of the situation, but nothing could be further from the truth. There is no winner if you lose your patience as a mother. Then there are two losers, yourself, because you lose your patience and your child, because he will suffer from it. Walk away for a while and come back when you can laugh at yourself again. Then you can talk about it with your child, what the agreements were and what went wrong. Also honestly admit what you did wrong. Then the child learns that adults also make mistakes and that you can talk about them.
Another way of time-out is to take time for yourself. Especially when you have small children, it is necessary to have time for yourself to recharge. Raising small children takes a lot of energy and tiredness and exhaustion are more often than you think the reason for losing your patience. Take a break every now and then, go to the movies, take a walk, go to bed or read a book. You can then return to parenthood with a new view of your children and a new supply of patience.
Patience is usually not something we are born with, but develops over time and experience. And don’t forget: children learn most from what they see us do as parents and not from what we say.