Disagreements are inherent to human communication, yet they usually lead to conflict. Intense negative emotions in particular hinder the ability to differentiate. For people with low self-esteem, recognition is essential. People want to hold on to their own opinions with all their might and are not open to those of others. Recognition of each other’s opinions can sometimes make the solution to the problem more acceptable.
Impressions
We receive 10,000 sensory impressions per second. We form opinions based on our impressions. Since we cannot possibly deal with so many impressions, we have to make a selection; what attracts you, what do you pick up, and what not. This selection process is different for everyone, depending on your upbringing, your education, your nature, your condition, your position and the context in which all this takes place.
Parents get to know their son’s teacher. Father thinks he is a man of insight and knowledge of people, while mother finds him insensitive and biased. The teacher told them: ,The first week I already know what I have in store.,
Disagreements that lead to conflict
Yes but …
Disagreements are therefore inherent to human communication, nevertheless they usually lead to conflicts, because people want to hold on to one (one’s own) opinion by all means. Conflicts are predominantly accompanied by intense negative emotions that hinder the ability to differentiate. Emotions follow the path of the one truth. That is why it is so difficult to hear the other person’s opinion or change your own opinion in a conflict. This is usually only possible when one is calm again.
Disagreements that express different views
Yeah so …
Hearing the other side, and communicating, is essential when dealing with disagreements. This can be done without there being a conflict. It is not about the truth, but about different views.
- Father: You’re criticizing the teacher, aren’t you?
- Mother: Especially because he says he understands everything so quickly, what do you think about that?
- Father: He seems firm to me, but what you say is correct.
- Mother: What do you mean by ‘steadfast’?
- Father: That he has authority and draws boundaries.
- Mother: Yes, I know that’s important to you.
Right and wrong
The lower the sense of self-esteem, the more important it becomes to get your opinion through. The content of the disagreement is then of less importance and being right becomes essential. That coincides with counting as a person. If you are not heard or recognized very little, it is difficult for you to respect others and you will be subject to a lot of criticism. There is only one option: declare yourself ‘right’ and the other person ‘wrong’. ‘The truth’ is of vital importance and the chance that a difference of opinion will become a conflict is very high.
Conflict
Under time pressure, the focus on resolving a conflict through difference of opinion can ignore the demand for mutual recognition. Considering each other’s opinions sometimes makes the solution less important.
Take stock of the opinions
Collaboration runs more smoothly when it is clear who is responsible for what and who has decision-making authority. If everyone has to participate in the decision-making process (which can make a decision impossible), it is useful to appoint someone who takes stock of the opinions and makes a decision based on that.
Consensus or belief
It is possible that within societies there are forms of interaction that do not recognize differences of opinion and where people therefore always ‘agree’ (consensus is the norm). It is also possible that differences of opinion are experienced as so existential (in areas of faith, politics, philosophy of life, views on relationships) that living together becomes impossible.