You may be right that you should receive a salary increase, but if your boss does not share that opinion, ,being right, will not help you much. It is therefore not only important that you are right, but especially that you are also right. In other words: Having rights does not mean getting rights. However, in order to be proven right more quickly in a discussion, we must absolutely avoid making certain mistakes. After all, we don’t catch flies with vinegar, but with syrup.
Getting it right is the art
Heated discussions about who is right rarely lead to a solution. This usually results in further polarization and hardening of positions, while the result should actually be mutual understanding. Therefore, remain as calm and friendly as possible. Keep your own emotions under control. If we also observe certain rules, our conversation partner will be much more likely to understand our position and perhaps agree with us more quickly.
Before the discussion starts
Try to start the conversation in a good atmosphere. Do not start with the actual topic immediately after the greeting, but try to have a short social chat first. If possible while enjoying a cup of coffee.
Dealing with objections in a diplomatic manner
If we defend a position or make a request, our conversation partner will usually raise objections. Always show understanding for objections. So let the other person talk quietly, vent if necessary and let off steam if necessary. Understanding does not mean being right, but it does gain trust. Always remain calm and friendly. The trick is then to refute the objection(s) in a diplomatic manner.
If necessary, ask for the reason for the objection
If the conversation partner comes up with an objection that we suspect is based on a misunderstanding, we do not immediately counter it, but we ask in a friendly manner how he arrived at this view. Of course, it always works to our advantage as the conversation progresses if we know the background.
Take notes if necessary
Suppose it concerns a rather formal matter and the conversation partner has a long list of objections, then write them down in his presence. On the one hand, this gives your conversation partner the feeling that you are taking him seriously and on the other hand, he will think carefully about what he says and certainly not exaggerate, because everything is written down.
The most important
Always try to turn an objection into a question.
- If a supervisor says, “The reason I can’t give you a raise at the moment is because you’ve been late almost every day lately,” you answer, “I understand, your question is actually whether I’m still generously paying my hours with high productivity and optimal service to customers….,
- Or, if the buyer objects to the representative that his company is located so far away from his business, he answers: “I understand the question, you want to know if we can provide the same fast service as if we were located nearby …that is the core of your question, isn’t it?,
- When your wife tells you that you have been quite boring lately, you respond with the question: ,Do you perhaps think that I spend too much time and energy on my career and that it would be better if we were financially better off? take a step back.,
Turning objections into questions prevents us from responding bluntly, because that turns the conversation partner into an opponent and unnecessary conflict ensues. While solving questions together leads to collaboration.
Avoid stimulus words and stimulus sentences
Express yourself in a diplomatic way never say: I will prove it or I disagree. Such expressions sharpen the contradiction. That’s sometimes nice in the House of Representatives, but normally we don’t get it right.
If the objections of the conversation partner make sense
If our opponent is clearly right with a certain objection, we will of course freely admit it. But you may be able to formulate advantages of your request that can compensate for that objection.
If, after gently and effectively refuting most of the objections, you finally get your way and achieve your goal, this by definition means that your conversation partner has had to revise his original opinion. Of course, that never feels very nice for him. Try to soften that by agreeing with him in some respect. Perhaps you can say ,that it often happened that way in the past, or ,that it is generally that way.,
Colleagues, bosses, customers, police
But also neighbor, neighbor, sports buddy, wife, children, in-laws, etc. From now on you will be more likely to win over the people around you, both professionally and privately, to your views, opinions, vision and ideas.
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- Smoothly and without conflict you want to push through and get your way