Every parent knows it. Your child runs screaming through the supermarket, and you lose control for a moment. When you want to tell your child something, he doesn’t seem to listen. In this article you will find 10 tips to get through to your child better.
Tip 1: Demand attention
Before you convey your message to your child, make sure you are at the child’s eye level to get his attention. Ask him for your attention. Make sure that the eye contact is not so intense that the child may perceive it as threatening. Open your question with your child’s name, ,Jantje, would you like..,
Tip 2: Keep it short!
Keep the message short and simple. Trying to say too much at once is a common mistake. It gives your child the feeling that you don’t know exactly what you want to say, and the child quickly becomes distracted. Try to summarize your message in one sentence, using as many one-syllable words as possible.
Tip 3: Repeating the question
Ask your child to repeat what you said. If this doesn’t work, then it was too long or too complicated, and go back to Tip 2.
Tip 4: Make a good offer
You can consult with a child of two or three years old to avoid power struggles. Gives the child a reason to do what is requested. For example: ,If you get dressed now, you can play outside in no time., This gives the child a reason to get out of his position of power and do what you want him to do.
Tip 4: Start your sentences with ,I want,
Give the message to yourself. Instead of ,sit down, you can say ,I want you to sit down., This works especially well with children who want to do what you say but don’t like to be ordered. By saying ,I want.., you give a reason to follow your command instead of just an order.
Tip 5: Give choices
,Do you want a sandwich with jam or cheese, or ,Do you want to put on your pajamas or brush your teeth first?, By giving your child a choice between two desirable things, your child has the feeling of having a say and of being taken seriously.
Tip 6: Speak correctly
Even a two-year-old child can learn to say ,please., Expect your child to be polite. Manners are not a choice. Talk to your child the way you would like him to talk to you.
Tip 7: Choose your moment
When your child is tired or hungry, it is not the best time to have pedantic conversations. Concentration is low and nothing you say will stick.
Tip 8: Repeat
Young children sometimes have to say something 100 times. With young children, repeat what you want over and over again. In older children and teenagers this can come across as nagging, so try not to repeat too much.
Tip 9: Don’t argue
Try not to get bogged down in a ,whatever, discussion with your child. If there is something that cannot be discussed, say ,I will not change my opinion, you have to deal with this,. Show that you mean it with your tone of voice.
Tip 10: Listen
Try to listen carefully to your child and give him space to talk. Take your child seriously when he indicates something.