Does ‘the single in question’ exist? Undoubtedly if you say it to a number of singles. After all, they have consciously chosen this way of life and have a rich life with it. The latter is often supplemented, because in one way or another many people think that being single is also something sad and to avoid that, the single person fills it in themselves. Or the single person is not happy in his/her role and says it in advance, so as not to get into a discussion about it (perhaps because he/she doesn’t want to talk about it).
Reasons for being deliberately single?
The group of singles is growing steadily and in the Netherlands alone there are around 2.5 million people. But the question of whether the single in question exists has not yet been answered and that is because it is very difficult to answer that question.
Why does someone consciously choose to live alone? Some examples.
- I can imagine that someone has a very busy life and wants to do all this without being accountable.
- But someone can also be allergic to hearing that the person you live with sees so little of you or that you should do more together anyway. This does not, however, provide a value judgment about the person in question.
- There are still real hermits, men or women who absolutely do not want to share life with anyone.
- After unpleasant relationships, you prefer the ‘peace’ of living alone over entering into a new relationship.
Of course there are more reasons, but the bottom line is that these men and women can manage on their own. All in all, many people find this strange, because if we go back to basics, humans are not designed to live a solitary life. So we criticize the single openly or secretly or at least ask questions about it in that way. This of course says more about this group of people than about those singles, because that was a conscious process.
The course of life
What may play a role in people who find the single a strange creature, is the fact that there are also quite a few singles where life has just turned out that way and who have not consciously chosen it. That doesn’t mean they don’t have a good life now, but they might start a relationship if they meet someone. People want to help, people want to care and so some people take this role quite literally and help find a new partner.
The only question is to what extent it makes sense to help someone in this way. Mostly among singles who are very desperate and want to be coupled.
Changing society
What certainly plays a role is the changed society. It is no longer self-evident that a woman gets married between the ages of 20 and 40, has a number of children, takes care of the family and the man earns the money. Women are independent, earn their own money and not every woman wants to build that family. Without being an exception, you may choose not to enter into family life (possibly with a career), but to consciously pursue a career. Some people call it selfish, others call it realistic.
Critical
Another facet is the man or woman who is alone for a longer period of time, for example after a broken relationship or a conscious career choice, and who thinks about a relationship at a more advanced age. At some point you have built something that you feel comfortable with and you do not want to give it up at any cost. You look more critically at a potential partner and so he or she must fit into your life as you now live it satisfactorily. If the choice is a partner where you have to turn your life upside down or no relationship within what you have built up in your life, many men and women still choose to continue alone. The critical nut that is cracked whether or not someone fits into your life is becoming increasingly important.
Finally
The single in question is undoubtedly there, but many singles are open to a relationship if the right man or woman comes along. So don’t panic, because most singles live a nice life and a partner only needs to add something to this pleasant life. Critical, that’s for sure.