Many parents will recognize it: endless discussions with their teenage son or daughter about the smallest things. Adolescents trying to take control at home. Adolescents who get out of bed too late and refuse to do chores around the house. How do you deal with teenagers? The key word is: compromise.
Adolescents
What exactly are teenagers? To make this a little clearer, here is a little bit of theory.
Adolescence is the main stage of development. This is the stage of life from twelve to mid-twenties. The phase from 12 to 18 years is usually called puberty. Characteristic of this phase are growth (physical changes) and development (increased psychological capabilities).
During puberty there is great activity in the brain, including in the front of the prefrontal cortex. There is a great deal of gray matter activity during puberty. This means that information is sent to other cells. The activity consists of an increase with overproduction and then a decrease for more effective brain function. The amount of white matter that connects cells to each other over long distances increases throughout development and continues during puberty. The increase in white and gray matter means more communication between the cells for the adolescent. The gray matter makes it possible to process a lot of information and the white matter connects cells. The increase in brain activity in information processing and communication makes it possible for data collected over the previous years to be correlated. It is an important step in the formation of intelligence, namely the formation of new thinking frameworks, new transcending concepts. This allows new steps to be taken in thinking and ensures that adolescents experience themselves as intelligent in a short time. This happens regardless of what their level is. This can make them seem stubborn.
Adolescents in practice: questions and answers
The last sentence of the above paragraph says it all: adolescents can appear stubborn due to the changes that have occurred in the brain and with which intelligence and thinking skills have been further developed. Many parents of teenagers will recognize this. Below is some advice on a number of problems that regularly arise in the education of teenagers.
My son/daughter goes to bed very late and doesn’t get out until late the next morning. What should I do?
It is normal for teenagers to go to bed late and get up late. This is part of adolescent development, no matter how crazy it sounds. Adolescents tend to stay up relatively late and get up late. Research into school performance has shown that adolescents actually perform better if they stay up later and go to school later; This is probably related to their shifted sleep pattern. Adolescents need more sleep and this rhythm seems to be paying off. Do not worry; it does catch up.
My son/daughter often eats unhealthy and fatty things. I’m afraid this is bad for his/her health. What should I do?
Adolescents have a great need for calcium and protein-rich food, but also fats. The young person’s diet is important. Many young people consume a lot of fatty food; the so-called junk food. They often barely gain weight, which can indicate a fast metabolism and being physically active. Young people may need more fats during this period precisely because they are growing and their bodies and brains are developing rapidly. Keep a close eye on your teenager’s eating behavior, but know that it is also part of development.
My son/daughter listens better to his friends than to me. Am I doing something wrong?
No, you’re not doing anything wrong. This is also typical of an adolescent; when he/she is between the ages of 14 and 16, friends will be listened to more than parents. This is also related to the development of one’s own identity and breaking away from one’s parents. In fact, it comes down to ,turning off, against the parents. This so-called process of individuation is important for the adolescent and this behavior is part of it.
My son/daughter has very variable moods. One moment nothing is wrong and the next moment he/she is angry at the whole world. What is this?
Your teenager is probably affected by changes in hormone levels. Hormones not only ensure the growth spurt and the development of the sexual organs, but also influence mood and behavior. Hormone production is subject to large fluctuations. For women, this is again related to the menstrual cycle.
My son/daughter refuses to do his or her homework but prioritizes activities with friends. What can I do?
It is important in communication with teenagers that they want to be addressed in an adult manner and no longer as a child with rules and tasks imposed on them. Try to negotiate in a mature manner and start the conversation. First ask your teenager how he/she decided to do it. When did he/she want to start the homework? You can also explain that it can help to first do what you don’t like. When you do that, it’s finished and you have the remaining time for fun things. In addition, if you postpone things, you may become more and more reluctant to do them and the threshold for getting started becomes higher. Be careful not to provide all the solutions for your teenager; try to ask questions and get your teenager to think.
I am afraid that my son/daughter will do things that are not allowed. What can I do now?
First of all, this is also something that is part of development. When an adolescent is between the ages of 14 and 16, this can be part of it. However, this does not mean that all behavior must be justified. Be careful not to ban things. If you forbid your teenager to do something, the urge for him/her to do it will increase. Try to talk to your teenager in a mature manner and give him/her the feeling that you take him/her seriously. Explain your objections and fears and also ask for your teenager’s opinion.
Finally
As you have already read, adolescents want to be taken seriously and addressed as adults. Try to maintain this in communication with your teenager and you will see that it will make things somewhat easier throughout puberty. Stand next to your teenager instead of above them; don’t impose rules, negotiate.