It is often said that people are attracted to partners who have a completely different character than themselves. But can a relationship with two very different people actually go well? Or is a difference in character necessary to maintain a relationship? Often it can go both ways. There is no definition of what is right or wrong in this regard. This also depends on how strong certain character traits are in someone. You can roughly distinguish someone’s character into five different categories. However, many different gradations are possible within these categories.
Character traits
Every person has certain character traits that determine who they are. To roughly determine what kind of character someone has, psychology has made a distinction into five different categories:
Introvert or extrovert
- Introvert: subdued, reserved, distant, reserved.
- Extrovert: Open, lively, spontaneous, present.
Emotionally stable or neurotic
- Emotionally stable: even, calm, relaxed.
- Neurotic: tense, irritable, easily stressed.
Accommodating or distrustful
- Agreeable: helpful, modest, generally friendly.
- Distrustful: dominant, confident, suspicious.
Orderly or disorderly
- Orderly: Careful, reliable, systematic,
- Disorderly: flexible, likes to break rules, careless.
Open-minded or conservative
- Open-minded: Adventurous, lots of imagination, curious.
- Conservative: Sober, conservative, afraid of change.
Research has shown that a relationship can go well if partners differ on the first two points; introverted or extroverted and emotionally stable or neurotic. If one is somewhat subdued and the other is very lively, this is not a problem. You often even see that these types of people attract each other. The same applies to couples where one person quickly suffers from stress, and the other is the calm and relaxed factor within the relationship. These properties complement each other perfectly!
It’s a different story when it comes to the bottom three points. When partners differ greatly from each other on these points, this can sometimes clash. This can also be explained logically. Someone who is open-minded, always looking for new challenges, would quickly get bored in a relationship with someone who is very conservative and likes to keep everything the way it is. On the other hand, you can also say that these people complement each other very well.
If you differ greatly on the last three points, this does not necessarily mean that the relationship is doomed to failure. It has been shown that more arguments occur within these relationships than in relationships where partners are equal on these points.
Character differences within the relationship, a good or a bad thing?
Whether it is good or bad to be different within a relationship really varies from case to case. Some people need the difference in character and the associated arguments to keep the relationship exciting. When everything always goes well, they quickly grow tired of someone. These people are always looking for a challenge within the relationship. For these people it is no problem if the character differs on the last points of the list of traits.
Other people actually get the jitters when they argue with their partner, and they want to avoid this as much as possible! For these people it is good to look for a partner who resembles themselves as much as possible on the list of character traits.
We are all different!
Remember that no two people are the same! Even if you are on the same page on the above points, this does not mean that you have the same character. Even then you may still encounter significant differences. A great reassurance is that a relationship without arguments simply does not exist. If you argue with your partner every now and then, this is not a problem at all, but it can actually be a big relief for both of you!