Another milestone has been reached, your child is going to high school. After years of stability, an exciting period awaits again. Development takes enormous leaps during this period and hormones become rampant. Your child has become a teenager. During the day there will be a slightly quieter time because your child will increasingly go his or her own way. You no longer have to take him everywhere, he goes to school and sports himself. On the other hand, puberty is now starting, which can be very intense. All in all, an exciting time for all parties because you really have to let go of your child, your role as educator is slowly transitioning into the role of friend.
This article is largely based on my own experiences, after having 3 daughters in 4 years that is quite a few. Not only do the girls not look much alike on the outside, they are also very different on the inside. We had to approach all 3 in a different way, but the result is the same for all 3: open-hearted, high-spirited teenagers who enter the adolescence phase without any problems.
Teenagers and parenting
- Development
- Puberty
- Courtship
- The teenager
- School
- Attention
- Going out
- Insecurity
- Conclusion
Development
Puberty
Your child is now really going to change, mentally and especially physically. Before you know it you suddenly have a hormone tank at home. This infamous period is often looked forward to with fear and trembling. Your patience is indeed tested every now and then, but if you take into account all the changes that your child has to undergo and occasionally try to remember what you were like during that difficult period, you will probably figure it out. . If all goes well, you have made it very clear to your child in previous years that you do not like a big mouth. That is no different now, of course. You will have to explain this a few more times during this period. Every teenager processes those raging hormones in a different way, so you can expect all kinds of things. They can become introverted, have crying fits and sometimes you are lucky and little happens. But they will all react against you to a greater or lesser extent. The person who tries to convince you that this is not the case either has a very superficial bond and is little involved with his child, or is so blind to all the negative aspects of his child that he has become a master at putting his parent in the spotlight. is being a fool, or is just not being honest with you. It is indeed very normal. Your child is now definitively shaping his personality and all these changes make him insecure. Just be there for him, try to keep everything open for discussion and make sure they know they can come to you with anything (not that they will, but it’s good that they know it is possible). It is an interesting period and it is nice to see how your child takes the first steps towards adulthood.
With 3 girls I mainly had to prepare for the upcoming periods. As the time approached, I put sanitary towels of all shapes and sizes in their cupboard so that when the time came, they would at least have a supply. They had to decide for themselves which kind they liked best. Of course I also told them about tampons and their benefits, but I left it up to them whether they wanted to use them. The how and why about tampons is more pleasant to discuss with a friend or your sister than with your mother. Which doesn’t change the fact that I have to buy them because going to the drugstore or supermarket for tamponnee myself is a mom thing. You will notice what they are going to use at some point, just make sure they are there.
Courtship
Some people are very quick with it, others are in no hurry and wait a little longer, but sooner or later your child will come home with his or her boyfriend. Some parents have quite a few problems with it, especially the first time. Suddenly someone else has become important in their child’s life. Of course there is always something to criticize about someone and you may not be very happy with your child’s choice, but often this is not the final choice, so don’t worry, you will only push your child away from you. Respect his choice, no matter how difficult that is sometimes, make his courtship feel welcome and remember that you were once in his shoes. Remind your son that he must treat his girl nicely and not let her do things she is not ready for. Make an appointment with your daughter to take the pill, even if she is not yet sexually active. Prevention is better than cure because suddenly the time has come and you are not there. Encourage them to use a condom, even if she is on the pill. They have probably already heard the story about STDs at school, but it doesn’t hurt to bring it up again. Around the age of 15, it is very normal for them to become sexually active. Earlier is not really what you would want, but if your child really starts that early, you cannot prevent it, they will do it anyway. You can try to talk about it and make it clear to them that it is better to wait a little longer, but don’t make an issue of it, it will not achieve anything. At most the opposite.
The teenager
School
Teenage begins with high school. They go from being a primary school kid to being an early riser. Saying goodbye to primary school is sometimes accompanied by tears, but they all find it exciting to go to the big school and often look forward to it.
To celebrate the start of this big girl period, I took a special day with each daughter. We used this day for shopping (buying school supplies), I showed them my high school, the riding school where I had learned to ride horses and later worked and finally we went out for dinner together at a fancy restaurant. After dinner they were allowed to choose, go home, go to the pub or something else. All three chose to visit grandpa. The day was a success every time, not only did they really enjoy not having to share their mother for once, they also loved a look into the past and going out to eat together in a chic restaurant definitely gave them a separate dimension.
Attention
Most mothers who stopped working when the children were small are now back at work. Some are working hard on their careers and often this is not just out of luxury but out of sheer necessity. Unfortunately, this means that a lot of teenagers lack far too much attention. Your child needs guidance from birth. This guidance mainly starts physically but moves more and more to the mental level as your child gets older. The spiritual guidance your teenager needs is obvious and should be very intensive. Even though your child is becoming increasingly detached from you and it seems as if he needs you less and less, during this period you must be almost telepathically gifted to guide your child. Communication is extremely important, even if it seems like your child has nothing to discuss with you. It is therefore important to be very alert, think again about what was going through your mind when you were that age. On the surface it may all seem to get easier, admittedly you get more freedom as they get older, but this period is very intensive and requires a lot of time and attention from you. Especially when you have a busy job again, this is a phase that demands a lot from the educator, especially from a spiritual point of view.
Going out
Your child will explore the nightlife. If you are not a walker yourself, try to understand your child (I had very strict parents and was not allowed to do anything in this area, but I can assure you that I did not miss anything!). Banning going out, drinking and cigarettes really makes no sense. The tighter you hold your child in this area, the greater the excesses usually are. Keep everything open for discussion, so that you can teach them the dangers and risks much better. Make reasonable agreements that are acceptable to both parties and you will see that your child will not easily betray your trust. If something does go wrong, it doesn’t mean that your entire upbringing has gone wrong, that can happen. But discuss this very clearly with them and impose sanctions, for example house arrest. As adolescence approaches, parenting stops a bit and you become more friends with your child than a parent. This does not alter the fact that they live in your house and therefore have to follow your rules. In any case, always prevent them from doing things secretly behind your back.
In my environment I have noticed several times that children who are held too tightly do exactly what their parents are so against. But parents who let go of their child too much, usually because of lack of time, disinterest or because they are mainly only concerned with themselves, are also fooled and often have no idea that their daughter has turned out to be a true sex machine or that their son spends half his pocket money on drugs. Blind as they have always been to the shortcomings of their children, they continue to cling to the statement that my child will not do that, especially mothers are very good at this. In particular, parents who skipped the wild party period in their youth often have no idea what is going on.
Insecurity
Every teenager is insecure. That is very normal and part of development. However, insecurity is an annoying trait and is often the cause of irritating behavior. Just look at an adult in your immediate environment (everyone knows someone) who is very insecure. Expressions can be exaggerated, shortcomings are often overcompensated and often insecure people are not honest with themselves, let alone with the rest of the world. Fortunately, this is usually not that bad for teenagers, but it is important that they enter adolescence as confident, stable young people. Here too, communication is of utmost importance. Immerse themselves in their feelings and compliment them on their appearance. Be honest about this because soon they will no longer believe you because they know very well that every mother thinks her child is beautiful. Don’t be blind, you know when your child has stood at the back of the queue with certain physical characteristics, but everyone has something beautiful and you can not only point this out to your child but also teach them to emphasize those beautiful things.
The same goes for your child’s talents. There are undoubtedly a lot of things he can’t do, never will be able to do, or will never be good at. But every person has one or more talents, including your child. Accept those talents (even if you had not thought in advance that your son would become a ballet dancer) and encourage them. Applaud initiatives and ensure that they can always come to you for advice. It is important for them to know that they have won your respect for something they are good at, especially if you have always been critical. A mother who has always praised her child to the heavens, no matter what, has ultimately not done her child any favors.
From the age of 14, they have to cook with me at least once a month. Shopping is also part of it (one of my daughters has had to go back to the store three times for a dish, but that won’t happen to her again). My intention is to make them aware of nutrition, but I also want that, when they go on their own, they can at least cook. No heating up, no junk food, but making a consciously healthy meal. We always eat the result, so we have sometimes eaten meals that were really nothing more than just filling our stomachs, especially our eldest has little interest in the stove. Yet, after a few failures, she eventually managed to put something tasty on the table that she enjoyed as much as the rest of the family. Yet we often tease her about her inability or disinterest in the kitchen, especially because she is a big eater. These teases do not make her insecure, she also sees the humor in it and we certainly do not hesitate to praise her achievements in other things.
Conclusion
Teenagers are entering their final period of parenting. They undergo enormous development not only physically but also mentally. At the same time, they become much busier both at school and outside of school and they are given more and more responsibilities. In short, a period that can be quite difficult and they really need you. After the birth of my children I continued to work. Coincidentally, I was fortunate enough to be able to work from home after the youngest entered their teenage years and was therefore always available for them. Even though I always thought that this period would give me more freedom and I would pick up my career again, I ultimately had to conclude that being at home is a very positive advantage for a mother of three teenagers. Not everyone is in this pleasant situation and I consider myself very fortunate to be in this position. Adolescence was not too bad for me, the bond we had with our daughters has only become stronger and it is wonderful to see how they grow into beautiful young women.