Bullying is commonplace and causes a lot of suffering among the bullied children. We gradually know that it is not only about the person being bullied, but also about the person who bullies and the others watching who do not intervene. If we take a closer look at the bully, we discover the hidden suffering that is often partly the cause of the bullying behavior. Ultimately, bullying helps you not feel the inner pain and focus on others.
Are children out of balance?
Children struggle with many things in their lives. There are countless reasons that disrupt their emotional balance; fear of failure, feeling left out, loneliness, no sincere attention from their parents, perfectionism, poor self-image, standing outside the group. We are not yet talking about neglect, both physically and emotionally in the family, dealing with a divorce or other loss. In short, there is some struggle in children’s lives.
How do we as adults view bullying?
The focus of teachers and parents is often on the child who is being bullied. It is also no small matter if you are systematically attacked in any form by one or more children who make your life miserable. Help must be given for protection.
Fortunately, many programs also pay attention to those who do this systematically. People are often asked whether bullies realize what it means for the other person. Their empathy is stimulated and we look at how the relationship can be restored. The bullied receive help to become stronger, because from the moment children develop inner strength, they become less of a target.
Sore spots
If a child is balanced, why would he or she start bullying? But if the inside shows painful spots, the mechanism is set in motion not to feel them. That can be a moment when a child becomes susceptible to becoming a bully or follower. As long as a child can focus on others, he experiences his own emotions little or nothing. If you take that fact into account when unraveling situations between children, you can see that both the bullied and the bully have problems. Many bullies have been bullied themselves at some point and that has left its mark.
Have an eye for the inside
We know that the inside of the bully is damaged. We fail the bully when we leave his or her insides untouched. Emotional imbalance therefore means that balance is required. We may wonder whether the bully is aware of this? In many cases not, until it is explained how the mechanism works. The link can then be made by discussing your own feelings.
What do we have to offer as parents and teachers?
An open mind! Where our perception becomes clouded because we focus too much on the bullied, it hinders our view of the background of the child, the young person who acts from pain. Secondly, it asks us to delve into the bully’s world. What’s going on in his life? What is he/she having a hard time with? Which events could have given rise to this? In short: where is your own pain?
Across the line
The well-known program ‘Over the line’, which came over from America where it is called ‘Over the line’, reveals that when we ask children and young people in complete safety what is going on in their world or has been going on in their world, everyone experiences it through recognition. is experienced endlessly by children and young people; suicide in the family, alcohol addiction, divorces, domestic violence, and so on. If you recognize something in your life, you can cross the line and discover that you are not walking alone.
It breeds understanding and recognition and it becomes visible what is happening in the lives of children and young people and what they struggle with.
Attention to each other’s processes
If we draw attention to each other’s processes in classes through group discussions, we teach children to pay attention to each other. But that’s how it works in families too. There too, while eating, you can draw attention to what the other person experiences and feels, which everyone finds difficult. This is how you teach children empathy. But first, educators in general will have to work on their own empathic ability to teach children this. Children mainly learn by what they see you do.
Expressing is processing
Because a child is heard and encouraged to express what he/she is feeling, he/she will be able to process his/her grief and learn to deal with all facets of life. Only then is it time to look at the bullying behavior. When the balance in the child is restored, bullying behavior will decrease and perhaps disappear completely.