Anyone who has ever been exposed to bullying knows that it is truly a nightmare. Children no longer dare to go to school and schools do not know what they can do to tackle the problem. Since the advent of social media such as Twitter, Facebook and WhatsApp, they are not left alone at home because they are harassed or threatened in all kinds of ways. What exactly is the relationship between (cyber)bullying in children and young people and the search for a way out in suicide?
Who is being bullied?
These are mainly children who have certain physical characteristics or who cannot get along socially with the rest. Quiet children, or vulnerable children who do everything they can to get along, but still cannot connect. Children who have difficulty or dare to defend themselves against children who stand up for themselves more easily are also often victims. They are then excluded from social interaction with classmates and sometimes even no longer want to live life.
Social media: difference between ‘normal’ and cyberbullying
The number of suicides among bullied children has not increased very sharply over the years, but the way in which bullying occurs does change. The advent of social media has made it easier for children to bully anonymously. The impact on the bullied is in many ways comparable to regular bullying: he or she feels humiliated, anxious, belittled and excluded. But because the bullies can do this anonymously, it may not be clear to the bullied who is behind the bullying. This creates extra uncertainty and skew towards anyone who could be a potential bully in the eyes of the bullied. This extra uncertainty and the game that bullies play to increase this uncertainty again adds an extra charge to cyberbullying. It has been shown that the relationship between suicide and cyberbullying is even greater than with ‘normal’ bullying.
Impact
Bullies are less likely to see the impact it has on the bullied and therefore a bully can go further in his bullying. It may take longer for the bully to realize how much the victim is suffering and may therefore stop less quickly than if the bully could see the victim’s reaction and dejection, such as during bullying in the schoolyard or other public places.
Anonymous bullying
Since it is possible to bully anonymously, it is also less easy for the bullied (or someone involved such as a parent, school or agency) to find out who the perpetrators are and this means that the bullies can continue unpunished. The victim’s uncertainty about who the perpetrator might be contributes to his or her insecurity and this may possibly worsen the bullying.
Public bullying
In addition, cyberbullying often involves public humiliation. After all: everyone can see what is written on a Facebook page. And because hurtful messages or texts posted via social media are always accessible, it is very easy for bullies to continue with it after a while. This also contributes to the depressing feelings that the bullied experience and can be an additional trigger to think about suicide.
Signals for outsiders
In many cases it can be explained afterwards based on the behavior of the victims that they had been suffering from bullying for a while. Many young people are depressed, gloomy, easily irritated or very quiet. The danger for young people is that they are often ashamed of the situation and will not be so quick to sound the alarm, which means that parents, friends and schools will have to pay close attention to whether they pick up such signals.
Signals based on certain statements: I don’t care anymore, I won’t be bothering you for much longer , I might as well be dead are also statements that could raise questions. Destructive behavior can also be a signal: self-neglect, excessive alcohol use, arguing, pushing boundaries, little sleep and endless worrying. In addition, a previous suicide attempt may also be an indication.
Please note: there are also cases in which young people did not seem to give any signals at all, precisely to disguise the bullying and to focus on socializing at home. That is why it is always advisable to have a good chat with your child, your boyfriend/girlfriend or the students at your school every now and then to find out exactly what is keeping them busy. Broach the subject of bullying and see how people respond to it. Let him or her know that he or she can always come to you if he or she wants to tell a story. If you open all lines of communication as much as possible, you maximize the chance that you will be there in time before things really get out of hand.